2004-11-25 - 7:43 p.m.

Phoe's gone away to Hull today so I've got the place to myself again.

Wa-hoo! Pig out time!!!!! (does dance). I've eaten LOADS of shit already and left the wrappings on the floor. Ironically Phoe called me from a taxi queue to say that Nigel Planner (Neil from the Young Ones) was also in the queue.

I don't know why I get so excited by Phoe going away and why I use the occasion to make a disgusting pig of myself, she would just roll her eyes before leaving me to it any way. Ah, but then there is the tidiness nazi in her - she'd make me clean up my mess and would tell me off for lying in my own filth and squalor. People under estimate the joys of lying in a mess of your own making :)

I've had a smidge of good-ish luck. The blokes at the Prison Service had a strokey beard meeting about me and decided that I can apply for their graduate development scheme so long as my citizenship is sorted out by March (and that I get it obviously). The only problem is that the closing date is Tuesday which means that I really need to get it into the post tomorrow to guarantee (humph, what guarantees? this is the freakin' Royal Mail we're talking about here) that it gets there by Tuesday.

I feel sick.

I've eaten loads of ice cream and french bread pizza.

Gawd, I feel really sick.

I've got to go and wash my stupid hair and run down to Tesco in order to get my photo taken for this bloody application. I've also got to find someone up-standing in the community to vouch for me and sign the back of the picture to say that it's really me. I always look like a complete spazmo gimboid on passport photos so I probably won't get past this stage anyway.

Still, I gotta try.

I've called Nigel to vouch for me. I can't think of anyone else who's handy and he is an Engineer who used to be in the RAF. That should be up-standing enough I reckon.

I saw something really disgusting today in the park. I just typed out a huge description of the thing but deleted it. I don't think anyone wants to read about the thing I saw. All I'll say was that it was once alive and was now kinda inside out.

Shudder.

That's it. I think I'm going to have to go and lie on the bathroom floor. I've really over done the celebratory binge and it might come back to say hello if I'm not careful.

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