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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2005-12-11 - 12:51 p.m.

So here we go: Sket the Wanker, Pt. 2

On Friday I told you all about my week and how I came out of it looking a right twat. I left it at the being covered in milk didn't I?

Sigh, I'll continue.

WEDNESDAY - I kept checking my emails at work to see if the people I'd sent the application to had replied. And HAD they replied? Of course they hadn't, I sent my application in in dribs and drabs as I thought of more things to tell them about myself. Jesus, 3 years at university and I can't complete simple tasks without ending up looking like Frank Spencer's clumsy sister.

THURSDAY - Will wonders ever cease or did no one else apply for the job? I GOT AN INTERVIEW AND IT'S TOMORROW! Shit, I realised that I didn't actually understand the job description and I didn't know anything about being a project worker. I have a bad history of working with young people The evidence lies here, and I start to realise that I could end up looking like a prize twat in front of real people again. Shit! I set about doing no work and trying to find out ANYTHING I could say tomorrow. My line manager suggested I ask the guy who'd offered me the interview what kind of things I should bone up on. Turned out to be benefits and homelessness. I decided to ask my good friend Google when I got home. And what time did you bother to start preparing for your interview the next morning Sket? 1.48am And did you prepare well and thoroughly? No, I did a bit and started blaming Phoe for talking to me at certain times during the evening which, in my tired and suddenly stressed mind I took at preventing me from having done this earlier. She has learned to ignore me and point out that she hadn't been speaking to me non-stop since 6pm and anything that she had said, could have been said whilst I was online researching for my forthcoming interview.

Pah!

And did you get up feeling refreshed, prepared and able to sell yourself at interview? No, I was shitting myself and on the verge of cancelling and slinking into work as if nothing had happened.

So, how did it go then Sket? I only got the fucker! Again, please excuse my sweariness, I know what's coming next and I still haven't got out of swearing mode. Anyhoo, at the interview I was talking at 100mph in a high-pitched and near hysterical voice so my blagging skills decided to take over from my brain and make sure that I actually said some good stuff amongst the crap. I genuinely made myself cringe as I was leaving 'cause my brain kicked back into gear at this point and felt obliged to appologise to the panel for me 'babbling like an idiot' throughout the interview. (CRINGE).

And is that Diaryland up to date then Sket? No, because I had to top the good news with the incident that made me look a complete wanker. Shit, what happened? Well, I went into work and told everyone how I'd got on. They are so nice in the office and everyone was really excited for me when I said that it had gone well (I didn't know I'd got it at this point btw). I eventually started doing some work and after a couple of hours the guy who'd interviewed me arrived and gave me the good news. EVERYONE was made up for me and I was on a high, a hero and my line manager sent a group email out to everyone in the building to tell them my good news. People I only knew by sight were congratulating me, and everyone was really smily and pleased.

Then the incident happened. I'd been given a giant file of papers that needed photocopying and had been standing doing this task for at least an hour. I was chatting up some lad who was doing another boring task in the same room and generally being pleased with myself. Someone else came in and needed to photocopy something quickly so I stepped back to allow her in. UNFORTUNATELY I neglected to take into consideration that someone had left to giant bin bags full of stuff and loads of boxes of glossy leaflets to the side and front of the copier. I now stepped back into them and started to fall backwards. Having some experience of falling over, I tried to save myself by twisting gracefully in mid air and grapping at whatever I could which might stop the descent. My giant file of papers was all I could reach and they went flying into the air as I grabbed then realised I shouldn't have grabbed and released too late. My feet scrabbled for something stable to stand on but the bags had split by now and more glossy leaflets spilled out making my feet slip even more. I started to fall, my hands going everywhere until I eventually landed, stomach down on the pile of stuff. The cardboard boxes were smashed flat and their contents strewn across the entire floor, my giant file of papers were still gently falling like snow upon the whole scene and for an instant there was silence. I say, for an instant 'cause once the shock of seeing an idiot fall wears off everyone starts to laugh and laugh they did (me included to show that this kind of thing happens to me all the time). Of course, I was injured but told everyone I was fine and of course the kudos of getting the job was spoiled. People stopped congratulating me and pissed themselves instead.

Oh, and the chap I'd been chatting up? He completely ignored the whole situation, didn't ask if I was ok and didn't speak to me again.

I did something terrible yesterday too but it was terrible and gross so I don't think I'll share that :(

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