2004-06-17 - 1:40 a.m.

Diaryland is starting to get me down. I am having more and more difficulty in getting on in order to immortalize the crap events of my life!

Well, so far no one has come to the door to complain, looked away in disgust or run off laughing after my streaking exhibition so I guess that I got away with it (unless any witnesses are so traumatised they are dead with a look of frozen horror on their faces). Phoe and I had one of those days where we bickered with each other all day. I suspect that it was all my fault as I do tend to go through phases where I get snippy with people close to me and nothing they say or do will change my attitude. It's best to leave me until my evil other half dissipates.

Phoe and I basically picked on each other all the way around Tesco. It began with us entering the store and walking into a child having a tantrum. Boy, it screamed, stamped it's feet and folded it's arms across it's chest and surprisingly it was a pretty little girl in a cute dress with cute ponytailed hair. The mother had decided upon the strategy of ignoring the little shit whilst standing outside the shop until it had shut up. I'll give the kid one thing, it had endurance! She finally bought it into the shop and it refused to go down certain aisles and to my disgust she bought it's silence with a bag of sweets. The kid knows that if it holds out long enough (and it continued for well over 25 minutes that I knew of) it will always win. Personally I'd have knocked it into next week (and that's probably why I am single and probably won't be having kids).

Anyhoo, Phoe and I continued to snip at each other, moan about the kid and basically walk around the store looking like a right pair of miserable swines. I don't know what I said but it caused Phoe to claim that she wanted to punch me in the face.

Nice, heh?

She then continued the assault upon me by using intelligence gathered about my deep running paranoid streak. She has started to talk to me whilst focussing on another part of my face as though she had seen something disgusting and she can't take her eyes off it. The thing is that I KNOW that it is her trick to fuck with my brain but I still get paranoid and think that I've got a huge pustulating boil somewhere or a bogey hanging out of my nose. I hate it! Anyway, she started to look at an imaginary thing on my face yet I was able to counter this attack with a well placed 'I know what you're doing you know, and I know that there is nothing there!'

.......I then ruined it by accidently putting my hand up to the spot to check, thus making her exclaim 'hah!' in triumph.

'Well, if there is anything there I hope that it is a conjoined twin bursting thru my skin so that I don't have to fucking talk to you anymore' I countered.

'A conjoined twin? What, still living and able to talk to you living on the side of your face?'

'Yeah, with little arms and legs that wave about......' I added rather pathetically before becoming lost in the thought for the rest of the day.

Later she even said that she wanted to smack me in the face so hard that I wouldn't get up again for a week! I don't even know what I said to warrant that one but I was able to win the argument by stating that I hoped she would as then I would get a week off from listening to her shit.

Fortunately she laughed and we're friends again now - we always were really. I still wonder what it would be like to have a really small, living conjoined twin on your head or something tho. How would you dress it and if it were alive it would have to eat and then defacate down your face or something.

........I need to get a job or a life or something.

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