2004-06-14 - 12:43 p.m.

I have had real trouble getting onto Diaryland lately, and just when I'd got stuff to say.....only the moment has gone now and I am furiously trying to remember what it was that I was so empassioned to tell you last night.

Let me think....

Well, erm, last night I'd just come back from a late night walk of the dogs. Oh yeah. I did something evil and almost shit my pants too!

Ok, here we go......

Phoe wanted to watch the bloody football so I played Diablo II (and killed a big baddy really easily which was cool - she said sadly). This meant that the dogs big walk was delayed and the sun was just going down when we left the house. It was still quite light to start with but quickly got dark but that was ok as it was really warm. We wandered down 'shit alley' (every dog and horse in the world has taken a crap on shit alley), through the park and right down onto the beach. We were the only people there and it was actually a pretty special night.

The tide was in so the dogs went for a moonlight dip and Phoe found an abandoned bucket. We ended up arguing about the best way to make sand castles. She was so shit! She went and got a bucketful of water and threw it on the sand to make it wet. We ended up shouting at each other (over sandcastles, yeah - I know!)and I showed her that you either get the wet sand from the water's edge or you dig deep to find wet sand! Where the hell is her inner child? EVERONE knows how to make a feckin' sandcastle!

.......am I going on too much about this? I suspect so. Anyway, she did the old 'look at that over there!' trick and knocked my sandcastle over when I looked away. This obviously resulted in me having to stamp on hers. I then turned evil and collected every stone and shell I could find and put it in the bucket. We built (in an act of unity) a really beautiful sandcastle around the bucket of stones and made it so tempting for the type of bastard who would want to kick it over the next morning. Heh heh, we discussed that we hoped that it would some tosser showing off to his mates and would then be humiliated as he hopped around after kicking a bucket full of stones.

....and this is why I never win the lottery - too evil you see.

Anyhoo, it was getting really quite late so we walked home. I don't know why I pretend that I'm not scared of the dark 'cause I am. I'm not scared of murderers or muggers, I am (I'm ashamed to say) scared of (at my age) monsters. The park was dark but it wasn't so bad as you could see by the light of the moon. Shit Alley, by contrast was pitch black as the trees on either side had grown across to each other forming a tunnel. There were back gardens on one side of the trees and woodland to the other. We laughed that one of our male friends who is scared of the dark would be shitting himself now. I secretly thought 'hell, I'M SHITTING MYSELF NOW!'

The laughter kinda died down and we fell into silence as we walked through the silent tunnel of trees. I have never walked so briskly in my life. We couldn't even see the dogs or each other, it was so dark. I tripped over a big pile of horse shit and we laughed for a very short amount of time (in case we alerted something to our presence).

I got about half way up before my phobic brain kicked off and started telling me that people in this kind of situation often see horrific ghosts and reminded me of some of the stories I had read as an 11 year old in the Pan Bumper Book of True Ghost Stories. Hell, some kids got chased by a glowing giant thing that smelled really bad and then there was the monster thing on the cover - it was like a deformed Gollum that had chased some other people, and what about people who are just found dead with horrified looks on their faces?

I also remembered something in the Fortean Times about some bloke who took his dog for a walk somewhere in the dark and heard a really loud bang and ran off to find his dog only to find it completely flattened like an invisible boulder had landed on it! I walked so fast up that alley and even when I could see the lights of the main road my phobic brain told me that in all good horror films, things get you just as you think you are safe.

I did get home safely, didn't see any monsters and no one crushed the dogs. Hell, I wasn't really scared. It's only a bit of darkness afterall

..................!

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