2004-12-03 - 12:30 a.m.

Here's a question; how do you make a DSS automaton break their programming and become a thing half resembling humanity?

Answer: You break down in tears like a stupid cow whilst sobbing that you are not a scrote and shouldn't be treated this way.

CRINGE

Yep, NEVER send a hormonal failure to an interview with an officious DSS moron in order to explain exactly what the aforementioned hormonal failure is doing to find work. ESPECIALLY don't ignore the hormonal failure's in depth explanation in order to tell them that they are no longer allowed to look for quality work, that they must seek any type of work and that they can't hold out for anything that pays over �5 p/h (greedy bitch that I am) and that I must go for national minimum wage here on in. Oh yeah, and for good measure, modify the hormonal failure's computerised records and delete all the types of work she has said that she's looking for in order to input fantastic (yet moronic) opportunities such as filing clerk or data input clerk as she is obviously not capable of finding anything decent for herself.

Oh, and finally insinuate that the hormonal failure is so crap you don't trust her to sign on every fortnight - she must come in EVERY week and make herself known to staff where they will go through their crappy jobs database in order to find shit for her to apply for as she is incapable of doing it on her own.

...then ask, if the hormonal failure is happy with these enforced instructions.

No, not really but there isn't anything I can do about it is there?

Well, what is it that you are unhappy with?

Cue: unexpected opening of flood gates, copious amounts of tears and hormonal failure sobbing "I'm not happy because I'm not a moronic scrote. I've got a degree, for all the use it bloody well is. I've got plenty of irons in the fire and future opportunities, they're just not happening fast enough for you people and I feel humiliated to be here and angry at the system for treating me like this"

Will wonders ever cease? The automaton dropped her officious front and became a human in front of me! I was given tissues and a pep talk in which she told me that she's seen hundreds of people in her time there and that I am most definitely the kind of person who will get a good job quickly. (sigh) that's what I've been saying for weeks now, WHERE'S THE FRIGGIN JOB THEN?

The automaton smiled and gave me her phone number (!!!!) so that I could call her up directly in order that she could phone up those who reject me in the future to find out why. I told her about the procurement job (still thinking of the shiny new bicycle I'll get if I get) and told her that I didn't think I'd been shortlisted. She only phoned them up to demand answers! Apparently they are having a meeting tomorrow to decide and that I should know by next Wednesday.

I really don't know how my mini breakdown happened, I think it was borne of deep humiliation and frustration (and a touch of hormonal interference). I walked through the town with tears rolling down my stupid face, feeling a right twat when the meeting was finished. Unfortunately I was in for another shock.

My stupid dog Roswell (named by Phoe after the UFO crash site. I wanted to call him Baldrick 'cause he's got a walnut for a brain but I was outvoted....by 1 person(?) ) has very sensitive skin and has been very itchy and miserable. We took the hysterical oaf-dog to the vet and it cost us 80 QUID to be told that he's allergic to cat fleas. We argued that the cat doesn't appear to have any fleas but the guy reckoned that his skin is so sensitive even a single bite would have set him off. EIGHTY BLOODY QUID, and that was with a free pack of flea stuff! Robbing b*stards.

Apart from the rest of my joyful day, my cold is getting worse and I now have a tight, sore throat, a thick head which doesn't permit hearing and a blocked nose which is bringing my rather attractive (?) Brummie accent back to the fore.

I won't ask if things can get worse as they inevitably do in order to prove a point to me.

Oh Oh, I almost forgot! One of my internet friends (hi Tree) has been having some really rather special and meaningful dreams of late. You wanna hear mine from last night? I'll be quick as there is only one scene that really matters.

I was one of about 4 people looking at a bunch of people in rows, all tucked up and asleep on the Hogwarts Express train. One of the sleeping people, I discovered was Keira Knightly (when she awoke after we did what we did). Basically, in the dream, as a prank and a laugh, me and the other guys dropped our pants and well, did a huge combined shit on the legs of the sleeping people!

What the F.....?

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