2004-12-13 - 5:49 p.m.

A series of ups and downs, that's what life has been like since I bawled at the carol singers (make that carol howlers).

Down
Phoe and I fell out when she had a brain storm and kinda smacked me one across the face really hard to stop me from writhing around and screaming 'no' over and over at the top of my voice. I guess that sounds like a really weird scenario, I guess I should explain; I had fallen asleep on the sofa still wearing my contact lenses and when I came to remove them WARNING GROSS CONTACT LENS SCENARIO ABOUT TO BE DESCRIBED they were stuck to my eyeballs and I had to kinda pull them off which made my eyes sting. Phoe said that she had just the thing and called me into her bedroom where she came at me with eye drops. Now I can stand all kinds of mucking around with my eyes but having my head pinned down on my friends lap with my eye lid forced open and a giant bottle of liquid looming towards it made me shriek like a banshee. Yeah Phoe was a bit pissed and perhaps that's why she made it her mission to get those drops into my eyes. It was like something out of A Clockwork Orange (she exaggerated)and I made it my mission to escape. Next thing I know she'd smacked me one across the face in order to control me! Fuck that! We made up the next day and she apologised saying that she forgot that it was me for an instant and treated me like the dog whenever she has to medicate him and he's trying to get away.

Weirdly enough and I guess it's indicative of my life and friendship with Phoe that I buy that explanation. It's great innit tho, being lumped in with the dogs...

BTW - when I say smacked me really hard it didn't hurt, it was more of a shock really. I just wanted to confirm that we don't beat our dogs whenever we are medicating them :)

Down
Phoe went to give a presentation in Kent today and for some reason had a bit of a panic attack in London. It was all to do with the fear that no one was going to meet her from the next train and all I could do to calm her down was to start calling around in order to get some guarantees. It worked out ok in the end and apparently they were all lovely when she got there (she's on her way home now).

Down - Up
My old VW Beetle's MOT ran out a couple of months ago and it's been sitting ever since due to me not wanting to hear that only stubborn under stains were preventing the thing from disappearing into a cloud of rust. Well, I had to bite the bullet today as I will be borrowing Phoe's car when I go back to Birmingham for christmas (my Mother says that I'm not allowed to take the Beetle on the motorway) and she'd be trapped without a car. Tee hee, she'll be trapped with a shit car that's got no heating instead :)

Anyhoo, the guy called to say that it had failed on 4 points, one of which was the brakes and they weren't sure just how bad they were until they took stuff apart, prodded it and stroked their chins for a bit. I've been here before. My first Beetle (Ball Bag)once failed on so many points that they covered 2 sides of a lined sheet of A4 paper. I could feel my �200 budget going out of the window. Then the good news - it wasn't as bad as first thought and the whole bill should come somewhere around �100 + the MOT. Wa-hoo!

Up
I might be jinxing myself by mentioning this but what the hell, I'm usually jinxed anyway. Sick and tired of the incompetent buffoon that is Joanne from the DSS office I was forced to go onto the web in order to find the on-line application form for the Coroners Assistant job. I was bloody lucky that there was one; the closing date is Friday so I would be screwed if I'd had to call up and re-request it through the post. There were a couple of other jobs listed on the site and one was my ULTIMATE (serious) job! Obviously I have other absolutely ultimate perfect jobs that I am never likely to get due to lack of skill, talent or millions of pounds with which I could torment someone who'd wronged me with but that's another story...

The serious ultimate job was with the police as a bit of a crime scene investigator. I didn't know that you could do this as a civilian and one of the reasons why I'd tried to get in to the local force was so that I could work my way into this direction. It also involves interviewing, conducting searches and collecting DNA samples/fingerprints. How fucking cool would that be? I did forensic psychology at uni which included a great deal about interviewing witnesses without messing with their minds and making them think they've remembered stuff that didn't actually happen (which is really easy to do). I have got practically EVERYTHING they are asking for apart from previous experience so I know that I'm not likely to get it, BUT the stuff I do have is really good so depending on how well I sell myself and the level of competition I might get shortlisted. Who knows?

In other news: I have discovered that there are other creatures that do not have tongues. Check this out - Alligators do whereas Crocs DON'T! Why? The secrets of the tongue remain shrouded in mystery and I will crack the code!

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