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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2005-01-09 - 12:08 p.m.

It's great innit, the sympathy I get when I almost send myself hurtling towards the light, numb of lip and looking out for the smiling dead relatives to show me where to go for my wings (and dinner, I was STARVING in that bath ...which might explain why I chewed up the poisonous Santa Claus head actually).

...sorry, I can't lie. I didn't chew the thing up 'cause I was hungry, I have a long history of chewing things up and getting into trouble. Shall I tell you something gross? Ah no, I don't think I can over share twice in one week; I bet you're still reeling from the post about my stench aren't you? Shall I tell you? Shall I? Oh go on then, it is well known around my family any way and it's not likely I'll ever meet most of you and the one's that I do meet will probably have forgotten all this by then any way. Here goes: When I was a little kid, fresh from the USA with a cute little cherubic face and American accent, my Mother and my Aunt had to pull quite a long length of red thread that I'd eaten from out of my arse. Apparently it was just hanging there like a thin worm peaking out...

So here I sit, MANY years later, and what did I learn from all the yelling and hysterical talk of strangulated inners? Absolutely nothing which is why I had to endure the ridicule of one of my SO CALLED friends who felt the need to JOKE about my near death Santa Claus experience by sending me pearl of wisdom:

(courtesy of Mirrorball Disco - the swine ;)

If you eat Santa-based bath products and go on to eat more festive decorations, you'll end up with tinselitis.

See, not one scrap of sympathy! That was it, no 'hope your lips aren't numb anymore mate', no 'you poor poor thing', no 'let's sue somebody' no nuthin' AND Phoe is still giving me the evils!

(shakes head ruefully) It's what I've come to expect out of my life...

(tee hee)

Anyhoo, what have I been doing? I dunno really. Not very much, that's what. Oh yeah, I am currently decorating my bedroom as it is a dump and Phoe reckoned that I would feel better about myself if my personal space didn't resemble 'Lindbottom Tip'. Cheeky cow, see how I get it all the time? I must admit tho that I had outgrown the bright orange and green walls. What was I thinking? No wonder I get migraines. I've got it in mind to go for Brighton beach hut chic now. Don't worry, it sounds weird but it'll work out (she said, foolishly confident). The main thing is that the new paint won't cover the orange in one go so I've got twice as much work to bloody do now and I don't like the sound of that.

Had a rejection letter from the local Steam Railway company for one of the 'it'll do for now' type jobs. I think that they could guess that by my CV but it's still a barb in my side to make me bleed just a bit more.

... and that's it I guess. Got mad Wazza coming over in about half an hour to take us to 'Old Man Heaven' (B&Q) in order to get some more paint and possibly a new bathroom door which reminds me; Phoe decorated the bathroom 'cause she agreed to do an interview for a major new magazine that's going to be launched very soon. I nixed the idea from the other magazine who wanted to do a story involving me (they can sod off) but she was tempted into doing this one by the 'we'll pay you a grand' type talk. I'm disappearing tomorrow (for that is when the journalist is coming) with the dogs. Looks like they're going to get a 5 hour walk or something tomorrow then. Hey, perhaps I'll tackle the Sunshine Trail again?

Bet it rains :(

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