2005-12-28 - 6:55 p.m.

Ho ho ho, I'm back after my crimbo visit to Birmingham and my Mom. I've only been home for 2 hours and I have had an enormous grump befall me. I can't believe just how grumpy I have become. I fucking hate this house, this life I've ended up with and the tedium that it brings with it. I miss my friends and family so much and I long to stay up there. Of course, just before I left my Mom and I were virtually killing each other every day, my friends weren't worth a bucket full of shit and I was going nowhere. I can see that and I know it and I also know that when I go back everyone is happy to see me because I am visiting and they love me and that if I was to live up there I wouldn't be so exciting so it would all be as boring and crap as things are down here.

Things that have made me sad/nostalgic:

* I used to think that I was in love with Andy but it didn't work out and I ended up throwing a load of gifts up his front door and never speaking to him again. It's been years and he has been making moves to get back in touch with me again. I'd love to but something is stopping me (the 180 mile separation doesn't help).

* My cousin from Australia is over at the moment and the whole family is having a huge New Year party. I'm stuck in the fucking back of beyond and I'm going to be working.

* I admit it - I HATE my new job and I am winding myself up and getting anxious already at the prospect of going back on Friday.

* I had a dream about the guy I've never met in person yet who is supposed to love me but doesn't (heck, if you haven't been following my diary this will all sound mental - he's an internet pal). I really thought that I had stopped thinking about him but then I realised that I spend almost every waking hour with at least one thought of the bastard going thru my head. Shit man, I need a life or someone to love so that I don't obsess over stupid things like this so much.

* I miss my friends back in Birmingham so much. I have seen them all get relationships and lives whilst I've fucked about down here in the land of the dead. Just before I came to live down here with Phoe I had a big falling out with my best friend Lisa's husband. Well, I say big falling out; he just decided that he hated me and I became ostracised from our group of friends.

....I say he just decided that he hated me. I kinda actually sorta accidentally had disasterous relationships (shagged) most of his friends and left them mental cripples who didn't want to be part of the group any more.......

(ahem)

We all used to go all over the country to shows in our old VW Beetles and it was great. I miss those days. Anyhoo, what I was leading up to saying is that there has been a definite thawing in relations between myself and 'G' (Lisa's husband) and I think we're cool again. He was even talking about helping me find an engine for my Bug!

* There's probably more.....

* But I'm far too grumpy to continue and everyone is probably kicking themselves for reading this entry and having their happy festive smiles wiped off their happy festive faces.

Sorry guys :(

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