2004-10-10 - 6:45 p.m.

Last night I paid for being bad and lazy the day before. Being a cretin I had decided to have a 5 day detox leading up to my fitness test and had been drinking the gloop from the Boots detox kit for the past couple of days. Well, unfortunately for the world it kicked in yesterday and I woke up with a heavy, spaced feeling and a twingey headache. I was also evil. I could hear myself but couldn't stop the devils that were possessing me when I had a tantrum (with stamping feet up the stairs and whinging) just because Phoe said we should take the dogs for a walk. This is normal routine so WHY did I feel the need for a tantrum? Feck only knows.

We went around the park and I wish I could have seen my face. Phoe kept looking at me and laughing (which didn't help) and when we got down to the sea front the wind was really strong. 'Bloody hell, I've got to run along here later on tonight' I whinged before continuing to stomp and moan and grumble. Phoe was silent. She's learned that no matter what she says when I'm like this it won't help and that I am very touchy and take offence at everything (even a wrong look). See, I know all this but the devils won't let me laugh at myself at the time.....

Anyhoo, I continued to grow increasingly grumpy as 7.30 drew near and when Nigel rang the door bell I stomped to the door and broke it to him that I was pissed off and didn't want to do anything. You know what? He's a sneaky so 'n so, he just said 'fine, then we won't run'. That took me off guard and made my damned guilt complex kick in. Reverse psychology huh? I ended up saying that we had to run and that I needed to snap out of my mood and that I'd probably feel better afterwards (what the hell was I on about? I had an easy get out in the palm of my hand, and what's this 'feel better afterwards' shite all about! That boy is smart I tells ye)

We ran and I paid for my fibs of the day before and my previous grumpiness. The wind was so high on the esplanade that it took my breath away, whipped my hair into my eyes and made running really hard. Nigel (bless him) told me to run behind him so that he could take most of the wind factor off me but that just meant that I started walking behind his back which was very very wrong of me (she said with the appropriate look of guilt on her face). Of course, I then had to run hard to catch up with him. After a very short time Nigel conceded that it was impossible to run against this wind (which lit a spark of hope in my soul) but he decided that we would do some sprinting and hill running instead. New misery...

Anyhoo, I obviously survived and tonight is the last big run before the horror that is Tuesday. Tomorrow we're just going to do the beep test so that I'm not killed/crippled on the day. Before I go, I just wanted to thank everyone who's sent me luck and said nice things. It helps and makes me ashamed that I moan so much :(

In other news I can't apply for 3 of the most interesting back-up jobs that have come to my attention in recent days because of my inability to sort out my life. Although I sound like a Brummie I am in fact an American citizen (which means that I probably sound like Ozzy Osbourne) and the Home Office won't let me apply because I need to be at least a commonwealth citizen. Damn. My Mom told me to get dual nationality years ago and regularly tells me to do something about it. I did get the paperwork a couple of years ago but I just can't bring myself to pledge any sort of allegiance to the bloody Queen. I am a real anti royalist (the over-privileged, clueless bunch of inbreds) so I can't moan really. It's all my own fault.

....and I've still got a headache

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