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2007-08-16 - 7:26 p.m.
I don't know where else to post this but I just wanted to make note of it somewhere.
After a really shit 2 weeks at work I finally cracked. I haven't been sleeping and I haven't been eating properly due to the stress and worry of having to do something I haven't been trained to do and which is really important as it will affect someone's life possibly forever. In short, there is a Crown Court hearing on Monday and I have been assigned to write the report on the offender who is a totally vile and dangerous person.
I'm not going to comment on that any more other than to say that as a trainee I should never have been given this report and I haven't had the support I should have had from my mentor who is never around. Today I finally pinned her down and had it out with her. I got the support I needed but also some unnecessary counselling on how I should manage my stress better.
At one point she commented that I looked 'tearful'. Well, fuck knows where it came from but I burst into uncontrolable tears which isn't me. I felt such a tit and it was so unprofessional and I just couldn't stop. I tried to tell her how let down I felt by her but I couldn't get the words out and, well, it was all really shit, y'know?
When I left to go home (I was away from my usual office) I went to the toilet to blow my nose and to check my appearance. I looked awful - really swollen and red in the face and my eyes looked all bloodshot which made my blue eyes look even bluer. Basically I looked like something from Dawn of the Dead.
...and this is the thing that I wanted to note. I went to the train station, shaken but more composed and went into the cafe/shop for a drink and something to eat. There is a little Polish guy working there. He looks a bit like the guy who played Jez Quigley in Corrie and has always been really pleasant. It must have been obvious that I was in a state and he calmly and kindly ensured that he gave me a load of paper towelling with my drink and muffin. I didn't really think much about it at the time; I just thanked him and left but was really appreciative of the paper when I started to cry again a little later. It was only then that it occurred to me that he'd given it to me on purpose. Bless that man.
The other thing that touched me was that Phoe got upset for me and decided to surprise me by coming across to southsea to meet me with flowers, a teddy, a drink, some choccies and The Enquirer! How absolutely lovely. What a great buddy. It made us both cry then.............0 comments so far