2004-10-24 - 12:58 p.m.

Well, my plan to become obese isn't moving on too quickly - damn me for having built up calorie eating muscle! The plan, bought on by my latest rejection, has led me to do some major world class slobbing this week. I have only come out of my pajamas to walk the dogs (before coming back home and returning to my lovely safe pajamadom) and I've eaten ALL kinds of stuff; heck, I've eaten cherry pie, prezels, bread, erm (think, think) ....pistachio nuts, (cough) lovely healthy green veggie soup - doh! Sigh, it's not gonna work and I've only put on a pound AND my body hurts from the sudden slobbery and no running thing that's taking place. I don't think I can take waking up with every bone and muscle in my body complaining :(

Shiit, I can't even succeed in this relatively simple scheme. I guess it's time for plan B which is a toughie - it involves me having to pull myself to-bloody-gether and just carrying on without taking my recent failure personally or to heart. I really don't know how I'm gonna achieve this plan, especially as I've taken to wallowing in self pity so easily. I can safely say that it is one thing that I'm damn good at, really world class. The problem is that I tend to obsess about stuff and I'm currently obsessing about why the guy didn't like me. The reason given for failing me is frankly ridiculous so it must come down to a clash of personalities. I personally thought he was ok at the time (the sneaky swine) so I don't know. Am I the kind of person who winds people up without knowing it? I mean, I know that I have it in me to wind people up, I drove one of my ex boyfriends to try and kill me once (she said, deep in thought).

Heck Sket, he was a needy freak and you shouldn't concern myself with the workings of his brain. He'd throw himself down stairs in order to gain sympathy from you whenever he thought you were about to dump him!

Yeah, but there was him and then there are the 2 who are dead. Explain THAT one.

The dead one's have nothing to do with you

Ah, but is it a coincidence that everyone I've ever been out with turns out to be a mental cripple?

For fecksake, pull yourself together. You failed an interview, get over it

Erm, ok.

That does it, no more wallowing in self pity and no more following plans thought up by Homer Simpson. I'm gonna rise above it all, do some soul searching and emerge refreshed and ready for round 2. My nemesis Fate might have won the battle but it won't win the war - that's my job. I always overcome in the end, the journey just hurts.

In other news, our friend Fit Lynne came over last night and we spent a good few hours having a laugh. I spoke to Nigel and he's coming for me on Tuesday and we're going to have a regular weekly run. I might even go back to the gym today (once I prise my pajamas off). Heck, they could probably go to the gym on their own by now (she said revoltingly)

:)

I'm gonna be fine, I can feel it.

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