2005-03-20 - 12:07 p.m.

The date has arrived for my next go at getting into THE INTENDED JOB.

12th April

...only there's an added problem. Apparently, an unexpectedly large proportion of candidates passed February's test centre so they'll only be taking on so many from my group even if we pass everything! Is this what the Fates have for me next? Pass every bloody thing and then be told that I haven't got a place after all?

To be honest, I can't imagine getting into 'the job' any more so I can't get excited. I've had so many disappointments of late that I fully expect them to continue so again, I can't get excited. Perhaps it's a survival thing after my recent 'episode'. I actually feel really down about the whole thing. I think it's because I 'expect' to fail now.

In other news: I was really ill Friday night and went to bed all shaky, wondering if I would be up to going for my mentoring training yesterday. I felt like shit all day with waves of nausea and dizziness combined with stomach pains but went any way. I still felt like shit when Nigel (we're friends again now by the way) came over to run my little legs off me yet I carried on 'cause I know that I've only got 24 days to crack this endurance run. I managed level 3.5 initially but then he pushed me to have a breather and then run so many lengths at levels 5, 7 and 9. Apparently, my recovery rate is fantastic 'but you don't push myself hard enough Sket'.

'Fucking hell Nige, I'd have vomited if I could have breathed enough to actually do it!'

Nige reckons that I've got a stinking attitude to EVERYTHING at the moment and I must admit, everything I told him was full of venom, anger and incredulity at the cretinous buffoonery of everyone I've had dealings with of late. Ahem, I need to calm down and take things in my stride

.......apparently.

Oh yeah, Nigel reckons he can get me some temporary work welding. Sigh, I took welding classes many years ago 'cause I own an old VW Beetle and they ALWAYS need welding and it was costing me a fortune. I'm just shaking my head - 3 years getting a degree and my first possible break is going to be WELDING

I'd laugh if I had the strength but if I had the strength, I'd probably cry.

...oh yeah, and to add to everything, right - get this! - the foreign woman from next door (I can't remember her name, we just call her 'Johnny') came around and gave Phoe some flowers 'cause we'd done her a favour in the week. Lovely, until she said:

"I vud haf got you chokolats but I thought you vud bot be on diets".

Whaddaya tryin' to say lady? You tryin' to say we's FAT or summat :)

(shakes head) life heh?

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