2004-10-25 - 8:23 p.m.

I get way too hot at night and have to sleep with the window open. Unfortunately, last night was blowing up a major gale and everything in my room was banging against stuff, scraping across the ceiling (a foil balloon) and the hippy beady thing I have up at my window was jangling like.....erm..... a jangly thing (in a who's the most jangly competition). Then I heard a weird rustling and swooshing sound outside and believed it was some evil spirit come to kill me (I know, I know.....)

.....then the cat with the murderous face started playing with the jangly thing and miaowing in order to tell me that she either had a very full bladder or bowel. Not wanting to experience the latter and getting pretty fed up with my inability to sleep I decided to let her out in order for her to 'do her business'.

It was 4.30am

Now, my little and rather timid cat has been run over a couple of times and has a real fear of being outside in daylight so I knew that I'd have to stay awake in order to let her back in once she'd, y'know 'done it'. I decided to read one of my health and fitness magazines and must have fallen asleep whilst reading an article about how good those mini trampolines are for your health. At this point, although I was asleep I truly believed that I was still awake and genuinely believed that I had walked down stairs and gone to stand in the little courtyard under my bedroom window. For some reason I had started to spring like a Masai Warrior up and down, completely straight, getting higher and higher. 'Oh Wow', I'd thought to myself, 'this is great! What a skill!!' and then I had proceeded to continue to spring everywhere getting really high. I remember telling Phoe about my new talent and springing around for her in the kitchen until I had started to bang my head on the ceiling. I had then had a go at springing and twisting in the air so that I could get my feet on the ceiling and walls in order to spring about in all directions.

.......I was almost sad when the cat's howling had woken me up.

Heh heh :)

Anyhoo, I went to see my great pal Roi today. He is one of the 2 guys who have agreed to vouch for me on my naturalisation papers. He had to sign after considering whether I was of good character and had never engaged in any act of terrorism or had contributed to any acts of genocide. Roi's great, he calls Phoe and I his 2 wives. I'm 'booby' wife and I can't remember what wife she is to him. Roi always sends us Valentines cards as without him we'd get bugger all. One year he sent us one between us and it bought it home to me that I'd received half a valentines card from a gay man. That's sad innit? Half a card from someone who wouldn't do it to you if your life depended on it.

....actually, he loves us so much he probably would (and then vomit or something, who knows?)

Oh, and this is great..... I was talking with my Mom today and we were talking about sad people holidays. I had said something about nightmare people who went abroad and expected to eat only English food and my Mom was saying something about how she enjoyed trying different foods and how she'd tasted some of my Uncle's Calamari (squid) when she and my Aunts all went away last year. Being vegetarian I didn't know what it tasted like:

"It's a bit rubbery isn't it?

"Yeah, it was...... very garlicky too but very rubbery, I felt like I was chewing it for ages"

".....so you wouldn't have any again then?"

"No, I don't think so, it was a bit like...... well, a bit like......"

"Wha?"

"Well, eating an arsehole....."

I love my Mom

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