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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2006-08-19 - 12:08 p.m.

Yesterday work was fraught. I think I spent 5 hours being lost and seemed to go from one episode of lostness (losticity?) to another. I'm surprised I wasn't bald and with a claw for a hand by the end of the day. The most frustrating (but lucky) part of it all was that most of my appointments ended up cancelled due to no one being in, so no one at the office really knew just how late/crap I was/am.

Saying that, my old team keep asking me about how I'm getting on and then start pissing themselves laughing at me. I've already got the reputation of being the most confused/lost member of staff in the entire organisation and, added to this, I instantly forget the tenants I've met so I don't know who the feck anyone is either. Carol on reception told me yesterday that, oh I dunno, say 'Mrs Jones' came in and was telling her what a lovely girl I was.

'Oh cool....have I met her then, I don't know who she is. Are you sure she meant me?'

Turned out she was the 'black toilets/bag of water for a kidney' woman. They should just introduce themselves properly, such as 'Hello Sket, I'm the lady who reported the giant turd outside my front door' or 'Hello, I'm that one who won the award for being the person who most resembled their pet dog!'. THEN I'll know who the feck these people are. It just takes a bit of thought and consideration towards the idiot girl, that's all!

Anyway, yesterday I must have phoned the office 3 times to ask where the fuck I was. On the whole I was met by guffaws and general laughter and suggestion shouting. It was pissing rain and my first appointment was in the same town as the office. It should have taken me 10 minutes to get there. Took me 40. The Beetle got all steamed up, the broken window has started to drop so I had a windy torrent of rain hitting the side of my face and there are so many roads with shitty or missing name signs that I hadn't a clue where I was (despite having a map). At one point I had to do an about turn and go back the way I'd been. There was a small painted roundabout in the road so I tried to turn. FUCKING BEETLES AND THEIR CRAP TURNING CIRCLES. I had to hold the traffic up while I did a high speed 3 point turn in the middle of the main road in this rain storm. I was thumping the steering wheel and cursing the day I was ever born as I saw the road I wanted.

(cough), my ridiculous near hysteria became a warm calmness (until I realised there was no where to park).

Then I had to phone my colleague to ask where the hell the next place was. Apparently, knowing me well already, she'd taken me there on Thursday so I'd know. I don't bloody remember (!?!). Finally realised where it was after she recounted the funny conversation we'd been having as we'd driven past. Next appointment? Bollocks'd again. Had to ask builders, tourists and a child on a bike. Everyone knew but me but I found the bloody place in the end. The woman was on holiday so it was cancelled.

Next place? Lost again. Another builder helped me out this time and I ended up in am ancient, dark, dingy alley way which looked like somewhere Jack the Ripper might lurk. This fecker was on holiday too!

I grumpily hit the new age shop around the corner, bought some joss and sweets and stomped off home early.

I guess my method of dealing with life second by second doesn't work when you have to retain anything of importance in your brain for more than a nanosecond. At least I've learned how my brain works. Attach important information with a story about shit and I'll remember it to my dying day.

(sigh) one day perhaps I'll be a normal, proper person :(

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