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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2005-10-12 - 10:25 p.m.

Sigh, all I want to be is happy and it ain't happening. I suspect that I have a self-destruct button in my head so that when one misery making thing is sorted it looks desperately around for something else to make me miserable.

Well, that ain't exactly true. I'm NOT miserable per se, just distracted and obsessing about things. I try to live by the 'don't sweat the small stuff' rule but it's difficult some times.

You wanna know what spoiling my joy at being away from Call Centre hell?

1) This stupid bloke who I've never met in person, who I know would make me miserable (and I, him) yet who I think should love me (and who doesn't) and his stupid ugly, buck-toothed, mummified looking girlfriend.

....this is the voice of your conscience AGAIN Sket. Leave the girl alone, you've never met her either and she's probably really nice and pretty.........even if she does look a bit like a mummmmmmmy

Yep, he hasn't given me a second thought while he's out there living his life and being HAPPY fer chrissake. We used to be so kinda close. You know the close I mean, not REAL close, internet close which kinda feels deeper somehow. I liked the meeting of minds thing and now it's gone because of fucking Tutankhamen face.

...now I've made myself laugh so it can't be all bad :)

2) The next point is probably more important than the first thing I mentioned and I know this, yet in my addled brain, the first stoopid thing is the thing I obsess about the most. This thing involves Phoe and her Dad. Both are ill and both frustrate the shit outta me. Phoe, as I've mentioned in the past has had mumps more times than a person is supposed to get it and because she has a needle phobia she won't do as the doctor asks and get a blood test in order to ascertain what exactly the fuck the problem is. Well, it's back again with a vengeance and now she is crying in pain and I am finding it difficult to show any sympathy. I sound like a right bastard I know. The thing is, I am sympathetic, just frustrated that we are going thru the same cycle over and over and well, a person's sympathy starts to run dry.

Mad Waz is in agony and the doctor has found a lump in his stomach. The man can't get out of bed but won't go to the hospital as the doctor requested because he is 'frightened of hospitals'. Again, altho I am concerned and sympathetic to the man's pain, I am also frustrated by his stupid attitude. What, is he going to lie in bed forever in the hope that whatever it is will eventually go away? The consequences of that action doesn't bear thinking about. Heck, it might be something trivial which can be helped easily and which may turn serious if left. You can't tell the man this stuff.

Frustrated.

All in all, Fate conspires against me so that I can't even be bothered to smile. The people at my new job probably think I'm weird 'cause I sit in my car all lunch hour rather than sit in the nice warm rest room. The thing is, I just can't be bothered to socialise when I don't have to. My eating disorder is rearing it's ugly head too. I know it's not good but the feelings of being hungry are nice and it's good to have some control over something for a change.........

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