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2005-03-22 - 12:22 p.m.
I had a sudden flash of reality; an epiphany if you like. My life experiences, the last 6 months, the degeneration of my self-esteem, the shit I have had to endure due to the lack of finance and the aggravation of being under DSS control all came hurtling towards me at 100mph yesterday when I was sitting in a meeting with some woman who was attempting to write a plan to get me back to work. After a few minutes she sat back and said "Well I'm baffled as to why you haven't been snapped up by an employer yet"
Well cheers for that lady; doesn't exactly help me, but thanks for the sentiment. Probably along the lines my own mind has been working, but never bloody mind heh?
Anyhoo, the 'epiphany' happened and I suddenly decided that I wasn't going to stand for this any longer, I wasn't going to get eaten up with bitterness at my situation and I wasn't going to punish myself for not achieving the shit I think I should be achieving. In short, I've pulled myself together.
I listened to her shit, left and went around to the police station where I organised the shadow shift I have been advised to undertake in preparation for my interview. I didn't bother last time, what with me having worked in a police station for a couple of years and having spent a goodly amount of time in that 'environment' for one reason or another yet I was criticised in my feedback for not having done it. I then went into the town, saw an advert for a shitty part time job in an auto accessories shop and collected the application form. Heck, yes it's beneath me but it's one step up from sitting next to a bloke with 'FUCK' tattooed on his face being told that I am too stupid to find myself a job on my own. I then came home and made an appointment to get assessed and placed on the books at Pertemps.
Basically, I am going to rip myself out of DSS control, flick the 'V's at the feckin' Automaton and regain my self respect. The part time job will only give me around £100 a week but it will only be until something better comes along. Pertemps might turn up trumps any way and get me something even better. So that's it. Sket's seen the light and her personal crisis is nearly at an end. I've also decided to use more positive language and even if it is funny to end with my usual type of line such as "watch me screw up the shit shop job now" I won't. Positivity breeds positivity and I am going to succeed.
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