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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2005-04-13 - 10:54 a.m.

Yesterday I had a major shock and today I can't stop smiling about it. I was MAJORLY CONNED and I fell for it hook, line and sinker! I still can't get over it.

Let's go back to Monday night (the night before my fitness test proper) and the point in which Nigel came over to see me to take me for my final run. I hadn't been able to do much training 'cause I'd been away for the weekend and I was concerned that if I didn't do well that night, it might have a negative psychological effect on me. Of course, it was a last ditch attempt at persuading Nigel that I shouldn't do it (I HATE that run) but it was all to no avail. If you remember, we ran and I exceeded the number of lengths I needed to achieve by one and I was absolutely chuffed to bits.

Now let's go back to yesterday when I spoke to Nige on my mobile phone after completing the test to thank him for all of his patience and time and to tell him what had happened and that I could hardly walk:

"I tell you Nige, I really struggled which pissed me off after last night AND I had at least one warning for not having my toe on the line at the bleep. I dunno, when I got to that gym and looked at the course, it just seemed further than than ours".

"That's because it was. I know what you're like with your stinkin attitude and if you believed that you couldn't do it then you wouldn't. I made it shorter to fool you and make you believe that you would piss the tests. Mwaha ha ha ha ha ha....."

"You bastard!!!!!!!!!! but thanks mate, it worked. I can't believe that - YOU CONNING BASTARD!! I'm walking like John Wayne but at least I've passed. you conning git"..

So, it's all done now and in the lap of the Gods. My interview, I felt, had gone really well but who knows? They really questioned me hard on things I didn't see as being very important for new recruits to know such as what they do for gay and lesbian employees.

I just remembered, I did have a hairy moment on the endurance run. 'Cause I was killing myself and I didn't think I could make it I was counting down the lengths in my head. When I got to the very last one I put in all of my remaining effort and dragged myself over the line just in time where I quietly thanked all of my guardian angels/dead relatives/ALL the gods so that I could cover my arse in case my faves didn't exist/the FATES/Destiny....EVERYONE basically.

....then I realised that everyone had run back again and the instructor shouted for them all to stop. That instant when I thought I had mis-counted and that I had blown it with just one length to go was one of the worse moments in my life. Everyone else was cooling down and I hobbled over to the woman keeping record. I said that I couldn't believe I had blown it like that but she reassured me that I had passed and everyone else had just run one more length.

See how FATE has to jerk with me all the bloody time?

...and finally. A memory from my journey home after the nightmare weekend. Reflected in my darkened train window (I got home at 11.30pm) I spied some guy trying to set fire to the sleeve of his jumper.....

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