2005-02-14 - 2:41 p.m.

.....so Miss Grumpy had a good time at the murder night. She was accused of being the murderer by one of the people there yet fortunately saved her reputation as a criminologist (albeit an unemployed criminologist) by correctly guessing the real murderer (who she really rather fancied despite him being older than her and married to the party hostess - damn). As the night progressed and we got to read more about our characters I discovered that I, Onna Toboggan was a disabled drug dealer! At least I didn't have to leave the chair all night (wa-hoo!) I was forced to stay seated and make people fetch and carry food and drink for me.

...I think Phoe thought I was taking my 'disability' too far but I like to think I was employing method acting techniques and I was deeply wounded when she accused me of milking the role to just be a lazy sod!

Moi?

So anyway, Valentine's day. Phoe and I had our usual cards from our gay 'husband', I also had 2 great e-cards, one very cynical (excellent) and one all about the new Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy film (which, as a Douglas Adams fan, I am very concerned about as it appears to have been very Americanised and Hollywood-ed). I was also awoken from my Valentines morning slumber by a picture falling off the wall above the bed and cracking me over the head. For a minute I thought I was being murdered, my whole life flashed before my eyes (I fell back to sleep half way through which is really rather sad) until I realised what had happened. This is not the first time things have spontaneously shot off the wall in an attempt to brain me; when I was young a HORSE SHOE fell off a shelf and cracked me a good 'un! For some reason, back then I was scared of Monks and I thought a Monk had broken into my room and hit me with a scythe (I was a strange kid).

You think that was a bad start to my Valentine's Day? It got better. After pulling myself together I heard one of the dogs barking in a weird way. I heard Phoe get up to check on him and then I heard her at the bottom of the stairs shouting "Skkkket?"

"Wha?"

"One of the dogs has been ill in the night and there is shit everywhere again...."

(tut)

"I've never seen a higher mound of shit in my life, it's massive. Can you deal with it, I'm going to be sick!"

So there I was, concussed and about to enter the room of shit AGAIN. I must say though, Phoe was right - the main mound was HUGE and almost the exact same shape and height (to scale) of Ayres Rock.

...and finally. Tomorrow is my citizenship ceremony and I think I may have scuppered it by inviting a controversial local radio DJ who loves disrupting Council occasions. What the fuck was I thinking? I'll have to fill you in on the story tomorrow or something.

...and FINALLY finally, to everyone I owe emails to, soz - I'll get onto it as soon as I have time.

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