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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2005-02-14 - 2:41 p.m.

.....so Miss Grumpy had a good time at the murder night. She was accused of being the murderer by one of the people there yet fortunately saved her reputation as a criminologist (albeit an unemployed criminologist) by correctly guessing the real murderer (who she really rather fancied despite him being older than her and married to the party hostess - damn). As the night progressed and we got to read more about our characters I discovered that I, Onna Toboggan was a disabled drug dealer! At least I didn't have to leave the chair all night (wa-hoo!) I was forced to stay seated and make people fetch and carry food and drink for me.

...I think Phoe thought I was taking my 'disability' too far but I like to think I was employing method acting techniques and I was deeply wounded when she accused me of milking the role to just be a lazy sod!


So anyway, Valentine's day. Phoe and I had our usual cards from our gay 'husband', I also had 2 great e-cards, one very cynical (excellent) and one all about the new Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy film (which, as a Douglas Adams fan, I am very concerned about as it appears to have been very Americanised and Hollywood-ed). I was also awoken from my Valentines morning slumber by a picture falling off the wall above the bed and cracking me over the head. For a minute I thought I was being murdered, my whole life flashed before my eyes (I fell back to sleep half way through which is really rather sad) until I realised what had happened. This is not the first time things have spontaneously shot off the wall in an attempt to brain me; when I was young a HORSE SHOE fell off a shelf and cracked me a good 'un! For some reason, back then I was scared of Monks and I thought a Monk had broken into my room and hit me with a scythe (I was a strange kid).

You think that was a bad start to my Valentine's Day? It got better. After pulling myself together I heard one of the dogs barking in a weird way. I heard Phoe get up to check on him and then I heard her at the bottom of the stairs shouting "Skkkket?"


"One of the dogs has been ill in the night and there is shit everywhere again...."


"I've never seen a higher mound of shit in my life, it's massive. Can you deal with it, I'm going to be sick!"

So there I was, concussed and about to enter the room of shit AGAIN. I must say though, Phoe was right - the main mound was HUGE and almost the exact same shape and height (to scale) of Ayres Rock.

...and finally. Tomorrow is my citizenship ceremony and I think I may have scuppered it by inviting a controversial local radio DJ who loves disrupting Council occasions. What the fuck was I thinking? I'll have to fill you in on the story tomorrow or something.

...and FINALLY finally, to everyone I owe emails to, soz - I'll get onto it as soon as I have time.

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