2004-10-17 - 3:22 p.m.

I've calmed down a bit now. I've had a long talk with my Mom and we're going to push ahead with the dual nationality thing and the basically just brushing myself off and continuing with the shit hand I've been dealt again.

Nigel has been great. He failed a couple of years ago and knows exactly how I feel. He seems to think that it's not all bad though; he was told that he couldn't reapply for a year whereas I've been given just 5 months. I've got to wait for the feedback in order to find out exactly what I did wrong. I feel that I came over as too friendly and joking whereas they (the miserable pair of buggers) were probably looking for quiet professionalism. Well sorry, I laugh and if they don't like it they can blummin' well just, erm, well, not give me the job....

Pah :(

Nige and I are going to run every Tuesday and I am going to continue to raise my fitness levels at the gym. That's all I can do. Just keep plugging away with hope in my heart that this isn't just it, y'know, life. There's got to be more than just soul crushing defeat and humiliation at every turn.

I am still down in the dumps, but at least my sense of humour is coming back on line. I might even sit, meditate and visualise the miserable interviewer bloke's crap hair style on fire or even better - with a big painful boil on the end of his nob. There's nothing more satisfying then using your personal energies for bad purposes when the devil has farted into your dinner for the thousandth time. Karma? Who cares, I get bad karma even when I'm good so I might as well earn my negativity for a bit.

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