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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2007-02-28 - 11:16 p.m.

I think I've said OH BOLLOCKS! on too many occasions over the past couple of days. First time was when I couldn't get a parking space in the car park next to the office - the one I have a pass for, meaning I had to drive around looking for a space not only elsewhere but bloody MILES away (she exagerated). I ended up parking in the back of beyond along the quayside. How'd I end up there? Anyhoo, it was pissing rain and my pass did allow me to park there but only for 8 hours meaning that I had to leave bang on time. I legged it from the car, cursing all the selfish bastards who'd parked in MY car park and who'd made me run in stupid clogs in the rain. I got to the office with the distinct feeling I'd forgotten to turn the Bugs' lights off.

...anyhoo, I soon forgot that and got on with tedious, gut wrenching, brain crushing work. I had a meeting with one of the seniors in order to decide what we were going to do about the aggressive misogynist who'd spent half an hour yelling at me at the top of his voice last week. We decided that I was to hand him a letter basically giving him a right bollocking for it and saying that if he behaves aggressively, makes inappropriate comments about members of staff or causes offence them I'm taking him back to Court for resentencing and the fun times are over (and when I say fun times, I'm talking about weekly visitations with the lovely -ahem- Sket). Well, we figured this development would either send him over the edge or he would, in effect, be emasculated. Personally? Despite the others saying he was a very VERY scary and dangerous man, I believed he was simply having a giant big boy tantrum and throwing all his toys out the pram. I truly believe that 99% of bullies back down if you stand up to them and show no fear. Well, I gave it to him tonight, with an audience gathered around the CCTV monitor, and he was bowed. He ended up apologising for any offence he might have caused and agreeing to go to alcohol counselling so long as I attend with him for moral support (?!!!!!?????) Blimey - I think I might have won a battle here.

Of course, I'm Sket and when I've been mighty, brave and true, the idiot balance has to be restored so the Fates ensured that as I walked out of the room with glory hanging over me, I promptly fell up the stairs and cracked both my ankle and knee.

...silly, clumsy arse of an idiot.

Oh, and as for the car, I HAD left the fricking lights on so when I got back the bugger wouldn't start. I walked to the car, along the quayside and I could see the dim red glow of my back lights from miles away. I literally walked for 12 minutes muttering 'oh BOLLOCKS!' under my breath. I had jump leads but looked around in desperation to find someone - ANYONE - who might be able to lend me their battery. Eventually I saw some old fella coming from a building. I ran up to him with the leads around me neck and asked if he had a car. I tell you, the look on his face - anyone'd have thought I'd broken into his house on Christmas day and pissed on his kids! He did agree to help but the entire time, he looked terrified and suspicious as if I was about to car jack him. For fucksake, I was in a BRIGHT orange Beetle - what the bleedin hell did he think I was going to do, MAKE HIM SWAP CARS on pain of death?

He gave me the barest minimum of juice to get the engine started, threw the leads at me and fucked off in a trail of smoke....

Perhaps I'm turning into a crap superhero - the Terrifyer of All Men, or something. That'd be a shit superpower wouldn't it? There's everyone else flying through the air, smashing things up or becoming a human fireball and I'm walking around making men crap their pants.

Great....

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