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2006-11-15 - 6:43 p.m.
I'm wondering if I'm having some kind of breakdown or something. I believe myself to be a reasonable, well rounded person yet today I have been really quite rude and uncooperative. It's not the first time (as regular readers will know) and well, I have had to admit that my behaviour has again been quite disgusting. For some reason, my new cow orkers have found it hysterical and they seem to think I'm great. I don't know if my evil doesn't have the right impact or whether I am so evil they don't take me seriously. Perhaps I'm just a ridiculous person.
....damn, I'm NEVER going to pass Evil Genius School at this rate!
talking about evil geniuses (genii?) for a second. That new James Bond (and god I hate James Bond films) is as ugly as sin but bloody hell I don't half FANCY him! What's the matter with me? I've gone all of a quiver over the bloke and I have to admit, the dirtier and more covered in blood the better (she said, shamefully). It was the same with Viggo Mortenson as Aragorn. When he was all grubby he was hot. He could fuck off as the neatly scrubbed up King tho.....must be a throw back from when that nearly dead hobo/tramp asked me out for a date :)
Anyhoo, I digress. I was talking about my appauling behaviour.
Yes. Today. Today was another one of those useless, shitty University workshops that caused me to behave incorrectly last month. I'm sorry, I've got a life to lead and sitting for 7 bloody hours having to talk about Values and Ethics is robbing me of my life. We already know everything the woman was lecturing us about. We had to sodding well prove it in order to get the freaking job in the first place!
What made it even worse is that my nemesis, the 'look at me, look at me' egotist only came and sat at my bloody table! I believe I said Ahhh SHIT rather more loudly than I intended which was very bad mannered of me. The thing is, this girl is so wrapped up in herself she is absolutely OBLIVIOUS to the fact she pisses almost everybody off with her self importance and didn't even see a problem with my dead-eyed, arms crossed body language EVERY single goddam time she had to share a story about herself. After the thing a couple of people from other tables came over to laugh at me for looking exactly how they felt (apparently).
Wanna see her? I snuck a phonecam shot of her and the other horrible cow orker (she doesn't really affect me, she just makes other people cry due to her rudeness):
Anyhoo, I spent most of the day doodling and simmering with anger and intolerance. Keeping my hands busy did help and stopped me from jabbing my pencil straight into someone's face.
Then the worst happened. It was lunch break and my THIRD tormentor (the one who has to share EVERY single part of her life with us)joined my little crowd off to find sandwiches. She is a nice woman, honest. She is just really opinionated and she talks so fast and never shuts the fuck up for 5 seconds. I do not agree with 80%+ of what she says and therein lies my dilema. Is it worth speaking up and isolating/upsetting a new colleague over something that isn't really important despite the things she says really REALLY fucking you off? I mean, the stuff she says isn't fundamental to my existence, it isn't racist, sexist, anything else-ist, it's just arseholish, ignorant and plain aggrivating.
I couldn't hold my tongue today.
I really do think I'm having some kind of breakdown or the politeness fairy missed me out last time she came by my neck of the woods.
The Scene - We had been discussing power; who we have power over and who has power over us. My 'over-sharing' tormentor couldn't just answer the question, she had to look too deeply into it (as usual) and hold up proceedings by claiming she is uncomfortable with the word POWER due to it's negative undertones (sigh, here we go again. It's not important and it's not relevent to what we are trying to do here love..... She much preferred talking about INFLUENCE over people.
..anyhoo, that's how the seminar went. Lunch time came and she is in the sandwich hunting group talking so fast and so loudly I find myself asking her when she actually breathes and that I am surprised that she hasn't suffocated before now as she never shuts the fuck up. Of course she took it as a joke as did the others. I did mean it but no one thinks I'm being serious. Perhaps I say things in a comedic rather than aggressive way (she wondered to herself).
Anyhoo, she carries on talking at the back of everyones heads about how uncomfortable she is with the whole question of who she has power over/who has power over her. No one gives a shit, THIS IS LUNCH TIME FOR FUCKSAKE!
Then she says it and I almost lose control.
"No one has power over me or my child. When Harry tells me that his teacher told him to do something I tell him that only I can tell him what to do and to ignore his teachers....."
This is one of my pet hates about society.
"Wha? You tell your child to ignore his teachers? You are actually undermining their authority at school? For godsake, this is the reason why so many kids have the attitude that no one can touch 'em and that they can do whatever they like with no consequence! I can't bel....actually I can't fucking talk to you!"
...and on that note I decided that it wasn't worth getting into a row over and I turned and walked away. My mate Mark later laughed about the whole conversation and the incredulous look on my face when I actually listened to what she was saying and realised that someone coming into the same job as I - a job with real authority - could have beliefs such as that.
Heck, I'm all for radicalism and beating The Man, but for fucksake. If you can't encourage your children to accept the authority and teachings of the scholars you haven't done them any favours (in my opinion). Still, she didn't give a shit, when I bumped into her again she was talking at 200mph at another bunch of bored people.
I'm going to stop here actually. I've done quite a bit of ranting lately. Wanna see my doodles from today before I sign off?
Here you go. I'm particularly proud of the snake who ate an anvil. He didn't survive unfortunately as there is no nutritional value in an anvil and his bum hole wasn't big enough to excrete the thing.....
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