2004-11-19 - 1:00 p.m.

You may or may not know that I have my own website. It's not a great site but as I like to laugh at myself and the stupid things that have happened to me I put some of the more catastrophic/funny stories down for others to read. I've had some great feedback and comments and I've quite enjoyed having a site dedicated to my life of humiliation and cretiny. There is one page in particular which always gets the most hits; the story of the time I got flashed at and went all polite and British to the flasher before reporting the incident to the police and inadvertently giving a description of the guy's nob (instead of his face) to the WPC taking down my statement.

This story probably ties with one other as the most embarrassing experience of my life to date. My toes still curl when I think of the look on the woman's face when I was giving my description.

Anyhoo. I have a simple visitor counter on each of my pages but decided to put another on that would give me some decent stats and tell me exactly who was looking at my 'flasher' page. I bloody wish I hadn't now. The first day, which really only took in a few hours from when I put the counter on until the next morning came out at 56 hits and today's report came in at 78 hits. I had always figured (naively probably) that someone had found my story, had a laugh and sent the link in an email around their friends and so on.

How wrong was I?

98% of the hits were from HUNGARY! What the hell are the Hungarians doing reading some idiot girls' website? Putting on my unemployed criminologist's hat I decided to investigate and found that they all came from one site - a hard core rave dance site (bet you were thinking hard core something else then weren't you?). No, I've investigated the site and it is definitely for Hungarian clubbers. Bizarre! I have scanned the entire site and I'm buggered if I can find the link.

Not being able to speak Hungarian obviously doesn't help.

I've pinned it down to the forum (where the hell else could it be?) but the titles don't give me any clues and the site is vast and linked to similar sites around Europe (from which I've had hits on the page too!), so now I've given up trying to find out what's been said about me by a bunch of Hungarian clubbers who seem to think that by listening to loud music, sprinkling the word 'death' around on their clothing and dancing violently makes them somehow cool and/or bad.

Then, there is the other set of hits that have shocked the unshockable Sket! Blimey, I thought I'd heard it all but you learn something new every day. I found myself being discussed on a forum for people who think that flashing is perfectly acceptable, everyone should do it and that no one would be shocked and upset if it were legalised and was adopted as normal practice into society.

You can't make this up can you?

Yes, these people (one of whom had the forum member name of Grandmaster Flash) think it should be perfectly acceptable for some guy to get his cheesy nubbin out and show it to a stranger. Even if they had their way and the practice was legalised/normal, who the hell wants to be talking to some bloke with his '3 card trick' hanging out? What are you supposed to say, 'thank you' before walking on?

....well I did but I was in some shock at the time.

The worst thing was that on the forum they were calling me a WOMAN! Hell, my Mom's a woman, grown ups are women. Heck - I'm a woman, it makes me sound so old......

I told some other people about their discussion and it was decided that we'd all obviously got their psychology wrong. Everyone assumes that flashers do it to get off on the shock of their victim whereas these people claim that it is merely another way of saying hello to people (?!!!!??)

.....So there you go. Eastern bloc Clubbers and flashers visit my web site on a daily basis. Phoe thinks it's all too weird and suggested I take the page down. I dunno, the clubbers might be having a laugh whilst they dance like fools and the pro-flashers have had a serious, if not delusional, discussion about me. I always knew I'd find fame one day...

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