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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2006-05-24 - 8:31 p.m.

I don't know why I'm surprised really.

The balance of the Universe has been restored and I'm in my comfort zone of Loser-dom once again.

Phew......and for a second I thought that my nemesis FATE had forgotten all about me. I guess that we have a weird relationship, without Fate taking the piss out of me at every turn I am a lost soul in danger of growing up and becoming a worthy member of society.

You wanna hear the latest?

Well, from the last entry you will see that the freakin car I spent a small fortune on recently pretty much blew up and destroyed itself. The shaved monkeys at the garage haven't even looked at the thing yet so gawd only knows the full extent of the damage there.

Now - YESTERDAY I nipped out of the office for 40 minutes to have a bit of an induction with the Development Team. All was normal.

When I got back to the office anyone would have thought that someone had broken in and pissed in everyone's handbags. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife - there was complete silence, faces like slapped arses and small huddles of whispering people. Fortunately my paranoia demon was slumbering so I kinda shrugged my shoulders and checked my emails.

BLOODY HELL I CURSED THE WHOLE FECKIN' WORKFORCE BY DARING TO SUGGEST I WASN'T A LOSER!!!!

Yup, the Managing Director had taken it upon himself, with absolutely NO consultation with the management team, to tell everyone VIA EMAIL that they company was going to be restructured and the poor bugger's whose roles have been redefined will have to reapply for their own damn jobs!

...that's bad, but here's the clincher. The indisputable evidence that my friend FATE made him send this extraordinary email

MY WHOLE DEPARTMENT IS GONE!

Yup, I am Jonah awaiting to be chucked out by my poor innocent work colleagues and swallowed up by the nearest whale in order to save their own collective skins (and that's saying something, I'm not even a bleedin' christian).

I guess they call it 'The Sketty Touch'. Everything turns to shite...

It's a good job I've got so much experience at loser-dom, I'm not even worried or scared. I'm comfortable, at home if you like. Prepared for the joke FATE is playing on me. I can take it, I've been planning my various hidey-holes around the place should a lone gunman break in intent on killing everyone in a bloody masacre. (the disabled toilets, they are huge and there is a whole area I can stand in and hide should shotgun blasts hit the locked door). It's weird innit, how my brain prepares for trouble - just find places to hide. Ol' brain has decided upon this course of action for the last 3 places I worked at, bless it.......

Anyhoo, back to my tale of woe and away from my freak of a brain. The best bit, oh you'll LOVE this, the BEST bit is the grown up job within the company I was applying for and would most probably have been offered is now up for grabs for pretty much EVERY bugger there. The competition has suddenly become much more keen. I've seen application forms on the desks of people who were amazed I was going for it and who had previously told me that they "wouldn't do that job if they paid me a million pounds". Looks like the latest news has made them less picky huh?

Damn me and my big mouth

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