2007-02-18 - 3:31 p.m.

My dog Roswell (AKA: BATFOOL)is a silly sloppy idiot of a dog. He's so stupid he often forgets his own name. He is so ball obsessed he has knocked out 4 teeth chasing them without a care in the world. He had a rough start in life - born to a neglected mother whose mother had in turn been neglected no doubt, on a council estate in Barnsley, North Yorkshire. When he was bought down to us his little tummy was so extended it was heartbreaking - since coming from his mother's milk he and his brother had been fed bread and water.

We took him in and loved him. He is a very clingy dog - our 'cuddle hound', 'cause all he wants to do is sit at your feet with his head on your knee and gaze up at you. To be honest, it's quite off-putting to be so loved much and you can't help but tell him to bugger off after a bit.

Anyhoo, his back legs are a bit shit. He collapsed in the park last year, cause his hip (?) gave way and Phoe had to leave him with strangers walking their dog while she ran back to fetch me. A magnetic collar seems to have helped there so far. Anyhoo, I've noticed his breathing is very laboured and now he's got a really bad cough. Turns out his heart isn't working too well and the beat is all over the place. When it doesn't beat strong enough to inflate his lungs he coughs. Shiiiiiit. My boy!

Phoe's Dad is here at the moment and I'm keeping out the way 'cause he is a fucking arsehole. The dog is coughing and he keeps shouting "He's got catarrh that's all. He's alright, there's nothing wrong with im - these vets don't bloody know anything! It's just a touch of catarrh""No, it's his heart. The vet examined him thoroughly and listened to it. "Ahhh,it's a load of old shit, there's nothing wrong with the bleedin dog"

Ok, I bow to your superior knowledge, you complete and utter fucking cretin. Of course I would be more inclined to believe a man who spent most of his life re-upholstering coaches rather than the man who studied the anatomy of ANIMALS for god knows how long, before devoting all of his working life to healing them. Why would I even think of GOING to see a vet. Silly, stupid Sket.....

Arrrrgggghh, it makes me so angry. He's always like this.

In other Dad related news - I might have briefly mentioned my other friend who has good cause to believe her Dad murdered her Mother but can't prove it. Well, there is still a great deal of weirdness surrounding the situation and a lot more family friends and neighbours are acting in a way that would suggest they are suspicious too. It's tormenting her. Heck, I don't think I could act as calmly as she has - I'd be there with the accusations and screaming fits until I'd end up Sectioned. Well, she called today and now she's had an abnormal 'smear test' (PAP Test?). Fucking great. She calls me for advice and I just can't help her. What a fucking shame. I'm praying she's gonna be ok and that it turns out to be nothing serious. They're gonna 'SCRAPE HER OUT' or something (shudder). Fuck me, sounds like when they get the barnacles off the underside of a boat.

And finally - I've decided to give up with the weird Columbian accupuncturist. She's costing me 25 quid a throw and the basis of her treatment is to jab me with needles to keep me happy whilst I eat like a fucking caveman. Well, sorry love but I'm a vegetarian and I simply can't do it. I don't want to eat flesh of any sort. I'm just going to have to sort out my health another way. What an exercise in futility......... AGAIN.

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