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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2006-05-09 - 8:16 p.m.

Apparently I've done another arsehole-ish thing. Personally I belive that I have an enquiring mind. According to my Mother I'm an arsehole (MOTHER!)

I've shared some of the things I've accidently done to myself when Phoe's been away. Why these things seem to happen when I'm alone I'll never know. To recap, for those who haven't followed my exploits for long (or for those who have simply discovered me by googling - 'shitting women', 'Bernard Breslaw', or wondering how much it will cost to send something to Romanaia (?)) I will list a couple of my more spectacular incidents:


  1. I inadvertently stabbed myself in the stomach whilst trying to open a pack of bottles of diet coke
  2. Almost killed myself when I got an Evening Primrose oil capsule stuck in my throat and actually felt myself passing out before my throat opened and I coughed it up
  3. Set the kitchen on fire
  4. Electrocuted myself

I was going to continue but I'm embarrassing myself somewhat....

Anyhoo, back to me being an arsehole. Phoe was away yesterday and altho we bargained with each other over who would complete whichever household task several years ago, I decided to vacuum the living room before she got back (her task) as I knew she would get into a shit if the house looked untidy. She's got birds which throw seed all over the place too so I guessed I'd have to do it.

I digress

We've got a new cylinder, bagless, major sucky type vacuum and I decided to see what the hose attachment thingie would feel like on my face.

...It was LOVELY. I was getting a major face massage and increasing the circulation to my skin. A WIN WIN SITUATION IF YOU ASK ME! Unfortunately I got my bottom lip stuck in the major suction sucky hose attachment and boy it was tough to pull my face out of the hose. You just wouldn't think it would you? Anyhoo, the upshot was that my face was bright red and had suction-y type marks all over it and I've got a massive black blood blister on my lip which spreads all inside my mouth.

I should go back to testing incontinence pads in charity shops (but that's another story and one I won't be sharing here)

In Other News: I have a growing hatred for my new job. Unfortunately I have a growing love for the regular pay so I won't be leaving too soon. As I've mentioned, I've got thru to the 2nd stage of interviews for the Probation Service and that takes place on Friday - wish me luck!) There is an interesting department at work called the Neighbourhood Team and there is a job coming up there soon too. I think I'm going to go for it. You get to do house visits and get away from the office in that job. They all have really good cars too so the pay must be better. It's more of an action job than the one I have now and that's more me as far as I'm concerned. Action Sket - I like it! Instead of dealing with idiots and their rent arrears I'd be dealing with idiots and their neighbour disputes. There's all kinds of neighbourhood strategies and other assorted 'interesting' tasks involved in this role and I quite fancy it. Of course, should I get that job (or the probation service one) I'll hate it, for it is my destiny.

I gotta go now. I've recently developed a fetish for dried prunes and I am very VERY unpleasant to live with at the moment (snigger)

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