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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2006-11-26 - 7:03 p.m.

Two entries in one day Sket, are you ill?

Nah. I'm ok

I've got a meeting with a suicidally depressed junkie tomorrow. That should do my wellbeing the world of good heh?

Anyhoo, to lighten up the atmosphere around my diary I wanted to tell you that the clumsy fairy has been a callin' on ol Sket recently.

Accident 1 - I'm sure I posted a picture of the best shoes in the world on one of my recent diary entries. You know them; the godawful clogs with the flowers and butterflies all over 'em. Well, I love 'em and last Wednesday I went over on them at the petrol station of the local supermarket. I am a seasoned clumsy-fucker so no sooner had I gone down on my knee than I was back up again. I tell you, MAGICIANS can't perform tricks at the same speed. The place was packed and I'm hoping that no one noticed, despite me having recently walked away from the brightest, stupidest looking car there whilst wearing the most ridiculously bright shoes and sporting the stupidest mental hair ever.

...I didn't look around. I just carried on as normal whilst noting the wet feeling on my leg and refusing to grimace at the pain.

Awwww, Sket got a boo boo but was a brave little trouper and didn't even look at it until AFTER she'd sat through Casino Royale.

....talking about Casino Royale. I sat there on my own, bladder at bursting point waiting for a shit bit to come on so's I could y'know, shake the lettuce. When I came back, HE WAS FUCKING NAKED AND HAVING HIS BALLS TORTURED. Talk about the worst time to go for a piddle or what? I practically missed that bit which reminded me that I'm sket and this is my life so it's to be expected.

...forgot my student card too so had to pay the full whack which pissed me off. It was only a 30p discount which was a bit stingey so I wasn't overly pissed off but heck, I could have bought.....erm.....well, sod all for 30p if I'm honest.

Accident 2 - Things are quite spikey in the house after the incident of last night. I can't be bothered to keep it going to be honest so I just want everything to be fine again. I'm too tired to fight. When the time comes I will make my move but until that time I want an easy life and to maintain my friendship with my closest friend. Anyhoo, we were both in the kitchen and I was trying to help put shopping away. I knew I was in the way really but I'd been sitting on my arse watching Layer Cake on dvd and kinda felt obliged to get up and do something so that it couldn't be used against me in the future. Well, the inevitable happened and I knocked a huge jar (that she wanted to stick some pickled -yuk- onions in) off the counter and it shattered into a thousand shards that went in the shopping bags, all over the floor, in the cat's lunch, all over the clean washing and all over us both. I hadn't got shoes on so couldn't move anywhere and Phoe was forced to get the vacuume out.

Yup, even when I'm attempting to be helpful I create more work for other people.....

Accident 3 - I was going to go back to the gym today. Heck, I'm paying 32 per month and I haven't been for ages. I know that I have to get back into the swing of things if I want to go for THE INTENDED JOB again and I promised Nige that I would go today. Well, Phoe had expressed an interest in going to see Borat at the pictures and I wouldn't mind going to see Casino Royale again. Decisions, decisions. Being in full 'I don't want to fight mode' I offered to go see Borat but she didn't want to go and I figured it would be too antagonistic to go to see Casino Royale on my own again so I decided to go to the gym.

...well, that was the intention. The reality was something quite different.

I've got a giant 4ft heavy duty paper bag in my pigsty of a room and in temper decided to throw anything that was shit and lying around into it. I would be brutal and even throw away stuff with faces and after Toy Story that is REALLY fucking hard. While I was doing it, the cat had a big stinking shit in her tray (nice) so I emptied the whole thing into the paper bag too. There were shoes, papers, mini boxes of raisens, pictures of James Dean Bradfield from the Manic Street Preachers (?), a penguin (I almost took that out due to the face thing), cat litter, cat shit, cat piss, head scarves and much much more.

I dropped the whole fucking thing down the stairs UPSIDE DOWN and into the newly vacuumed/glass free kitchen. Yup, there was cat litter, turds and piss EVERYWHERE. All over the clean washing (at least it would have covered the glass shards) and cat litter dust filling the air. The pissey cat-litter covered penguin looked up at me accusingly as I stood there in horror. I was also trapped at the top of the stairs and would have had to walk through the carnage in order to clean it up. Yes dear friends - I had to walk through all the cat shit in order to fix my mess.

That's been karma for me hasn't it? There are people out there dying and I'm complaining 'cause I don't have enough friends, haven't had sex for a long time and didn't get the job I want. I guess I'll shut the fuck up in future....

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