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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2007-01-05 - 9:46 p.m.

So, who'da thought my mother wouldn't like the remote controlled severed hand I got her for Christmas?

Jeez....

I was going to get her a life-sized cardboard cut out of myself to adorn her bedroom. I wanted to put my hair in sticky-out plaits, wear hippy trousers and the 'best shoes in the world' on my feet. I just couldn't be arsed to dress myself up and pose for the full length picture, obsess about it, get Phoe to take more, obsess about them, cry about how much I look like a hobbit, try for some more shots and then send one to strangers to take the piss out of before making it into a really quite expensive joke gift.

I'll do it next year

So, it's been ages since I posted. There has been a LOAD of shit going on and I've thought 'ah, I'll post a diary entry', but again, I couldn't be arsed and now I can't remember what any of it was.

How was Christmas, Sket?

Well Conscience, it was ok if not a bit quick. I drove up to Birmingham with Simon the Gerbil in my old VW Bug. Talk about petrol fumes tho, I thought the gerb had snuffed it at one point so I had to drive with the window open for him. I thought I was in danger of catching hypothermia after half an hour. Ah, the joys of having a 35 year old car....

Erm, what else? Ah yes, I had a fight with my mother on Christmas eve. Sometimes I think she still believes me to be a 12 year old. On Christmas Day my cousin Lisa (who is frighteningly almost a personality clone of my good self) lost control of her car and rolled it. She was pretty much ok, very shaken obviously but loads of people ran to help her.

Then there was the day I was due to return home (which is always a shit; I'd love to stay in Brum with everyone who loves me). An hour before I was to drive 200-odd miles my Mother's neighbour rang the bell to inform me that my tyre was completely flat. Great. Had to foot-pump the bleeder, get petrol and THEN try to get a new tyre or a repair and STILL leave on time in order to make my sailing back to the Island. Had to drive the Beetle really hard to do it but I made it to the dock with 3 minutes to spare and they were still loading everyone!

Phew.

Almost killed myself, the gerbil and the car but I got back.

Then it was back to the pergatory that is work and the discovery that I was going to have to be really unpleasant to someone and return them to Court for breaching their Order. I guess it's their own fault and it's the law that I do it but I guess it doesn't sit well with a tree hugging hippy who listens to The Levellers. Come the Revolution I'll be first with my back against the friggin wall :(

Happy 2007

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