powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com!

Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

contact me older entries newest entry

2004-10-09 - 11:58 a.m.

I had another reason for being embarrassed yesterday and forgot to mention it. I was idly looking thru my diary stats when I noticed that one of the referral pages was a yahoo search.

Uh? I thought before clicking on the link provided in order to find out exactly how my diary had fulfilled someone's deep and meaningful (possibly scientific or even literary) internet search. I guessed that it was a writer looking for some fab 'n groovy, windswept and interesting person to base their next super spy character on (hey, I can dream can't I?) yet ended up with that usual sinking feeling in my stomach when I saw that the search centred around the phrase "defecate in face".

It took a second for it to sink into my brain before I became indignant. I have NEVER let anyone defecate in my face, never intend to and have never even written, dreamed or thought about letting anyone take a dump on or about my face so whoever this bloody internet perv is they can just about blummin' sod off and find a proper perv site to play with their 'lad' over.

...then I clicked on the page that he'd been referred to and felt that familiar heat of embarrassment rise up in my soul. It was the page where I had discussed the row Phoe and I had had in the supermarket when I'd told her that I wished I had a conjoined twin growing out of my head just so that I wouldn't have to talk to her anymore. I had then become lost in a sort of Homer Simpson world where I was imagining the implications of having a small person growing out of the side of my head (including the toilet implications). Sigh, my Mother must be so proud :(

Apart from that I did a very bad thing yesterday. Phoe was due to be coming back from Wales yesterday and I discovered that her train was due in to Portsmouth at 5.30pm. Fit Nigel said that he was coming at about 5pm to force me to run (IN DAYLIGHT!!!!!) around the streets (no one should be subjected to witnessing that - heck, they're probably still not quite over the streaking incident yet). This new travel information was enough for me to get out of the humiliation that would be the daylight run thru an area where people might know me, so Nige said that we'd just do the bleep test and gauge how I am doing.

Fine and honest so far. I do try to be a good person. Anyhoo, I ran my personal best which was to level 4, a feat for which I was suitably proud until it occurred to me that I was still 12 lengths off the required level I need for Tuesday. I am just praying that adrenalin and not wanting the humiliation of being the only person to fail will work some kind of biblical strength miracle for me. I can't see it happening personally, but if any miracle worker/new messiah wants to prove his/her/it's strength I'll happily allow them to use me and if any of their disciples want to write about it in a new gospel then they can feel free. Of course, if the new Messiah does turn up it's supposed to herald the end of creation innit? I'd best tell the disciple not to waste his time. Anyway, for all this to happen I'd probably have to be a christian. I'm not so any passing messiah's would probably just stand in his blinkin' sandals and laugh at me wobbling up and down the gym :(

Time to reign in the brain again...

....back to why I did a bad thing. After the run Nige asked if I wanted to go for a bit of a run anyway. It was about 5.20 by now so I said that Phoe was due back at any time and I'd be required to go and pick her up from the boat. We sat down in the house and in order to prove I wasn't lying (guilt complex fully functional still, I see) I called Phoe up to see how far away she was. The conversation went kinda like this:

Phoe "The train got delayed, I'm at least 45 minutes away from Portsmouth so you go out and do the run."

Sket (trying to suppress hysteria and thinking quickly) "Hah, hah.......ok, erm. So anyway, I ran my personal best and now I'm ready as soon as you are. Next boat? Erm, yes. Ok mate, see you in a bit".

Phoe "No, I'm delayed. Hang on, you don't want to go for the run do you?"

Sket "Hah, hah (gulp). Yes, everyone's fine. See you in a bit, bye, bye mate. Yeah, I'll be there very soon".

Phoe "Put Nigel on the phone".

Sket "See you in a bit, bye mate. Glad you had a good journey, bet you can't wait to get in a rest yer aching bones.....bye".

Phoe "Pu..............". (call cut off in it's prime. I then had to usher Nige out of the house in case she called back. What's the matter with me? The bloke's trying to help, I NEED the help (and by god I do) yet the lazy swine in my always wins. I am totally ashamed of myself.

Actually I'm not. This is as good a time as any to work on this guilt complex I have. I'm just glad that Nige doesn't know of the existence of this diary :)

0 comments so far

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!