2004-09-12 - 3:22 p.m.

[Sigh], I've done sod all today and I am feeling guilty. I still can't get the image of 70's porn guy out of my head. I just can't imagine what all the old ladies would make of him. I so wish I could have followed him around for a while in order to find out just where the hell he thought he was.....and in which decade.

Yesterday was a series of ups and downs. The 'ups' included the accidental finding of a 'craft fayre' based in a hall down a side street. We went in and I so wish I'd got my camera and could have sneakily taken some pictures. You wouldn't believe the tat some people actually spent time making and then proudly displayed whilst EXPECTING PEOPLE TO BUY IT!

Shit stalls included: The Knitting Queen - everything for the baby including shapeless toys using really huge knitting stitches (if that's what they're called). Everything in shit, cheap and really hard wool. The Photography Queen - Average looking, random photos of the Island stuck in cardboard frames plus a new use for all those old AOL CDs that used to keep arriving through the door - average looking photos of the Island that have been cut into circles and then glued onto the CD (and wasn't the lady proud when she descended upon us with her hard sell techniques deployed in a bored voice, that she'd also glued green felt on the back in order to protect yer regency print yellowing wall paper!).....and Finally (and no means more), The Pebble Queen (have you noticed a pattern here? The 'vendors' all seemed to be post menopausal women who obviously had no idea of taste or decency) - anyway, The Pebble Queen had a big table with, you guessed it. Painted pebbles. You name it, she'd painted it (very, very poorly) on a pebble. Deformed cats appeared to be her favourite but there were brown blobs with beaks on, basic flowers and attempts at the Island. I so wish I could have suppressed my horror at her wares to actually purchase a couple as they would be perfect to cheer people up, they were hysterical!

Oh, I forgot the best - the Photo woman also had some ordinary photo's that she'd hacked away at with a pair of scissors in order to cut them into the shape of the Isle of Wight before glueing a magnet on the back. They were all a bit bent, not centred and not of anything very interesting.

The cake woman was doing ok tho.

The 'downs' included my attempt to find something decent to wear on Wednesday. I just don't look good in anything. I'm too short for a start and in my attempt to find something in autumnal colours I ended up looking like Bilbo fucking Baggins. I finally found something in a strange colour that I thought was green but Phoe said was grey (?) I know, I just can't decide what colour it is, I can see her point but it's the weirdest colour I've ever seen. Anyway, I tried the thing on (a suity type thing paired with a shirt) and stood looking at myself in the mirror of the changing room. I could have cried - I just looked like a bag of shit. I don't know why I'm surprised, I ALWAYS look like a bag of shit, in EVERYTHING I wear. The sad thing is, I still took the suit even though it made me look a bit of an odd shape. The thing that struck me was that no matter how hard I have worked at looking better, more fit and toned, I still looked the feckin same as I used to in that mirror. How can I look much better in some things and then look so awful in others?

Oh, I dunno, it all just gets me down and has contributed to my current downer. I haven't been to the gym today - what's the fucking point? I'm going to cancel fit Nigel for tonight, why bother? I'm going to eat pretzels and chug on diet coke all day.

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