2004-09-10 - 9:40 p.m.

Thanks to everyone who has expressed concern/offered advice about my lump. I dunno, I have been bathing it and I think it's gone down fractionally. Phoe on the other hand disagrees. I didn't go to the doctors today and won't really be able to go for another week which will give me time to monitor it. If nothing changes I promise I'll get it looked at.

In fitness related news I went to the gym for reassessment in order to make my programme a bit harder and push myself a bit more. The girl instructor was really nice and I showed her what I needed to achieve in order to get 'the job'. I won't go into details but she decided that we would push me on the treadmill (it's computerised and can do all kinds of fancy things). She said that I should attempt prog. 17 which would be an 18 minute workout of varying speeds and gradient. Great.

The minute I pressed 'start' I almost shot off the end of the bloody belt (and landed on my face behind the bugger!)

I wish she'd warned me it started at 6 km/hr! I usually start slowly and work up to 5.6km so this was a complete shock. Then the thing changed and I was doing it at a 4% gradient and then I was trying to keep up at a 7.7km/hr. To say that the mirror in front of the treadmill showed me looking pale and shocked would be a major understatement.

I'd have laughed if I had the strength.

The rest of my new programme was straight forward but at tougher levels. Then I was introduced me to 'the ball'. I almost laughed when she said that I'd have to kinda lie on this enormous space-hopper thing and do sit ups on it. It didn't feel very comfy to me and I was convinced that it was going to shoot out behind me when I was upright with my bum was perched on the edge. Sod that for a game of soldiers! I felt knackered when I got home and my calves were killing me. THEN bloody fit Nigel turned up to punish me on the shuttle run again. I got to level 3.5 which was an improvement. He again let me get my breath back and made me run several lengths at varying other levels, finishing on level 11 which was just too fast for me. Once I'd rested my legs started to complain seriously and my calves stiffened up and shot pain throughout my legs. Again, I'm walking like I've done something unpleasant in my pants.

Bloody hell, I've had so many years of idling my body is in serious shock.

And Finally, y'know that film 'Final Destination' where the kids who escaped the plane crash get stalked by DEATH 'cause they messed up his plan? Well, today felt like a version of that film with Death taking on the guise of 80-odd year old women IN CARS!

The first incident was when Phoe picked me up from the gym and we were trying to go right from a small side road onto a main road. The traffic on our side was backed up, it was clear on the other side. A woman in a big 4X4 let us out and blow me if a really old woman in a big BMW wasn't overtaking all the backed up traffic and came at us head on! I really think she was so blind and incompetent she beleived that the traffic jam was parked cars. Fortunately we missed her but she really had no clue.

The second was when I was sitting in Phoe's car waiting for her to come out of the chip shop where she was getting some dinner for her Dad. I was listening to my new favourite album (Who Killed........The Zutons, which is absolutely fab) when suddenly my head shot forward and we'd been arse-ended by a woman sooooo fucking old she was kinda withered (like a turtle without it's shell on). She'd got out of the car and started wandering towards the chippy. I got out the car and had a look but couldn't see any damage but her Nissan Sunny was right up against Phoe's car. Again, she didn't have any clue she'd just hit us! I called her back and she looked shocked but got back in and over-revved the thing to reverse it back. When she then left it across a side road I decided that my brain wouldn't allow me to be party to the scenario any more and I just got back in the car and waited for Phoe.

I'm home now. I pray that I'm safe. I'll also bathe my lump a bit more.

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