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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2004-07-07 - 1:07 a.m.

I've decided that in fact, despite what I said yesterday, I am not going mad - every other fucker in the world is mad and I'm the only sane person left!

I offer my evidence:

I think that I might have already mentioned that I quit the part time and spectacularly shit research job in a previous entry. Well, tonight Phoe and I were grabbing some shopping for our mini road-trip tomorrow (I haven't mentioned that have I? Ahhhh, well, you'll have to wait and see won't you. It's gonna be a mystical trip maaaan!!!) ....when a woman stopped me with the words "I see you quit then!"

It took me a couple of seconds (yeah, you could say that I'm a bit slow on the uptake lately) to realise that she was the other researcher on the Island and that the last time we had bumped into each other we had a right good moan about the job and agreed that we were both going to quit. It would seem that I did - she didn't.

We stood and compared shit interviewing stories and she filled me in on the bad way that they were now treating and speaking to her. Apparently she'd given them some dates that she would carry out some interviews and the area manager had been rather sharp with her for taking too long. The interviewer (I'll call her 'G')had told the manager that she was feeling ill but she would do her best to get the work completed.

"Anyway" 'G' says happily, "I had been quite ill the night before so I just put on a nappy and went out interviewing" yada yada yada....

I stood and nodded politely, listening to her complaints

HANG ON - GO BACK A BIT

....."Anyway" 'G' says happily, "I had been quite ill the night before so I just put on a nappy........."

DID I HEAR THIS RIGHT? Nah, of course not I said to myself reasuringly.

'G' and I said our goodbyes and I walked off towards the mushrooms with Phoe casually asking "Did she say that she put on a nappy?"

"Yeah" said Phoe and continued to walk quickly away from the area.

Right........

A NAPPY?

"Perhaps she meant a Tena Lady piss pad or summat" Phoe surmised

"Yeah, but when you're ill, you don't piss yourself do you?" I countered. "You SHIT yourself!"

"I ain't even going there." said Phoe and we continued to shop.

What is it with me and strange people saying strange things as if they had just asked the time? I mean, when I worked part time at BT I had a very long conversation with an old woman who wanted to know what to do with the dead body she had in her house. I've got hundreds of these stories. On another level, where does one buy these adult nappies and was the woman going to go into people's homes and interview them whilst stinking of shit?

I had to ponder this for the rest of the evening. I had recently been revisiting my ponderings on 'where does all the extra dirt that covers ancient sites come from?' question due to my recent application to be the retail manager of a big Roman Villa that had been uncovered nearby, but this new and compelling thought interupted my theorising.

.....but where DOES all that dirt come from? I will ponder that another time for tonight I was pondering this woman's shitting herself problem.

Was she going to sit in cack all day?

Would she actually SIT in someone's house knowing that warm shit was squashing into her arse and probably squidging up her back?

I really don't understand people. Like I say - I am the sane one in this world.

Other news: my fitness levels are improving daily (well, nightly - I run when it's dark so that I don't frighten the locals). After a humiliating start at only being able to achieve level 2.2 of the shuttle run, I can now confirm that I am at level 3.4 which is 18 lengths - Wahoo! It hasn't killed me (obviously) but my shins (for some reason) are in agony!

Got no more news for the time being. Wish me luck on the trip tomorrow. I'm driving as I am the only person who is a confident driver out of the gang and who is happy to drive on the mainland (I swear that it's like Father Ted around here sometimes - only with out the Irishness, the Priests or the hilarity. In fact, it's nothing like Father Ted so I'll shut up)

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