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Rescue Chickens

The Kindness of Strangers

Does my arse look fat in this soul?

The demon of paranoia re-visits old Sket

On The Road......

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2004-06-27 - 12:22 a.m.

Pitiful, that's what it is, pitiful.

You wanna know what?

My fitness levels, that's what!

For 'the intended job' I will have to pass a fitness test. I don't think that I will have a problem with the grip test as I used to be a masseuse and my hands are very strong. The pushing/pulling test shouldn't be too bad either as I reckon that I'm quite strong.

......then there's the endurance test.

I will basically have to run 15 metres 7 times within so many seconds for level one. Level two involves the same distance but with 1 second taken off the time allowed each way and so on. To pass the test I have to complete level 5 which means going from a jog to a run about 35 times along the track.

.......I got to the second shuttle of level 2 before I thought 'fuck this!'. In other words I can do 9 shuttles of the 35! How shameful is that? I didn't have a decent bra on either so I'll probably have black eyes from bounce back in the morning. I have been a lazy sod for sooooooo long.

At least I started doing my yoga again (although how that is supposed to make me run fast is beyond me, I wish I knew how my brain worked). I'll go back to the gym too (she said with tears in her eyes). The only thing that can save me from this job that would involve fitness is for me to actually finish putting my CV on line and sending the link to the guys at the serious crime analysis unit who have expressed an interest in me. I have realised that one of my main reasons for procrastinating is that I think that everything is going to go wrong once I have completed a task so I just don't do it and live with the dream that everything will be wonderful in the future.

....oh, I know what I'm on about even if you people don't.

Apart from that, being somewhat of a hippy I decided to consult my 'Goddess Oracle' cards to find out what I should do to get out of this grumpy depression. You know what they basically advised me to do? Have a wank! They correctly identified the reasons behind my question and that I was sad so I excitedly turned over the card that told me what I should do - the Freya (Sexuality)card came up which said that I should shag my partner or if I didn't have a partner I should explore myself. In other words - wank! I can't believe it. How is THAT supposed to get me a decent, well paid job? I guess that it might pull me out of my sad depression but surely that isn't the answer! 'sides, I'm far to uptight and frigid in a British kinda way to do anything like that.

Great innit? I'm unfit and depressed yet the mystical forces give me weird advice..... Ever feel as though the Fates are jerking with you?

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