2004-05-21 - 10:57 a.m.

I'm gutted. Today we found out our dissertation grades.

One of my major personality faults is that I secretly believe that I am better and know more than most other people. I can be a bit of a 'know-all' at times but I think that it's good that I can acknowledge this fault and embrace it. Unfortunately I get kicked in the teeth sometimes which brings home the fact that I am not better or know more than everyone else. Today was one of those days. I got my dissertation results and yes I know that I left a lot of it until the last minute and yes, I didn't spend the time on it I should have but I genuinely believed that I would get a '1st'(a grade of 70+)for it.

I got 68 which is a good '2nd' ie. a B grade. It is highly respectable and many students would be really proud of the grade. I'm not, I'm gutted. I wanted a first and nothing anyone says will change that fact. I'm sick of everyone congratulating me and telling me well fucking done because it's not well done. Its shite for me.

Amanda who does all her work early and doesn't experience the stress of pulling in 3am essay writing sessions is well chuffed with her 62 grade. Kelly my other friend (and considered to be my intellectual equal) got 73 and I think that this is another reason I'm gutted. Even my other friend Laura got 71.

So, that's it. The dissertation is done and dusted. The grades are back and I did well in the big scheme of things.

Fucking university. I'll be glad when I'm away from the place.

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