2004-04-02 - 8:17 p.m.

I've finished all of my research assignments and finished my lectures for the Easter break so now I can relax and work on my dissertation.

I wanted to get chapter 2 finished today. As it is now 20.20 hrs and I haven't started I doubt whether I'll achieve that goal but I accept it is because I'm a lazy good fer nothing tosser. I've admitted the fact elsewhere in this diary and my self-loathing knows no bounds.

I figured I'd start the day in a relaxed way with a lie in. Actually, perhaps I should start with some background information that will explain this story.....

I have a small black cat. I called her Twiglet as she is quite long and bumpy when you stretch her out but that is irrelevant to this story. I live by a busy main road and Twig has been run over twice now. Once by a moped being ridden by a mod who was about 50 years too late and we don't know what happened the other time. She went missing and we eventually found her terrified and with a busted tail in a neighbours garden at 3am. This all means that I have a small black cat that won't go out in daylight when the road is busy. I live with a tidiness nazi so I have to have the cat's shit tray in my bedroom for when the cat gets caught short in the day time. Fortunately she doesn't use it very often.

.....back to the story. I woke up in the wee hours this morning to the sound of the cat scratching around the litter tray. God only knows what went wrong but the silly little shit accidently tipped the whole thing upright thus covering herself and my bedroom floor with bits. I picked up all the litter and tried to call her in to have another go (jeez, I never wanted kids) but she wouldn't come. Phoe called thru that she was in her bedroom having a mad 5 minutes, running all over the place at high speed. I decided to go back to sleep and let the cat sort herself out.

Woke up to Phoe shouting at the cat who was driving her berserk. She spent about 20 minutes trying to catch the aforementioned animal so that she could chuck her arse outside. It was obvious the cat needed to go and do something personal and had been scared off from the tray. Phoe caught the cat and chucked her out (into the dreaded daylight). Cat ran right around the house and started to howl outside my bedroom window.

Great - so much for my lie in. I got up to let her back in, hoping she'd 'done the business'. No sign of cat at front door. Found her next door howling. Got cat in and went back to bed.

Managed to get some sleep, awoke to the unmistakable stench of shit. Phoe came in with the post yet couldn't smell shit. Hell, I got shit detectors after all the crap I've been thru with crap. I knew there was shit somewhere.

Found shit in bath. I have never seen so much shit come out of such a small animal. The bleedin' dog would have been proud! Hell, I'D have been proud. No wonder she was hysterical with all that up her arse!

Cat lies on Phoe's bed in the sunshine looking relaxed and pleased with herself.

........little bastard.

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