2005-05-17 - 9:50 p.m.

Apparently I've shrunk.

Since I started working in call centre hell I made a conscious decision to improve my health so I only take fruit and healthy stuff with me. Since I started I've lost about 9lb which is amazing. The problem is, Phoe reckons I've shrunk and actually, I think she's right. I stood opposite her in the kitchen tonight and I only came to her chest. I'm sure I used to be taller than that.

Bloody hell, if I do get healthy enough to make it into 'the intended job' I'll get me head kicked in within the first few minutes. I hope I never get put in a riot squad, could you imagine it? All the bleedin' rioters would be leaping over my shield to get behind the line. I mean, I've passed everything but am I really up to it? I dunno, I'm having doubts about my physicality now. Christ, if I was sent out to rescue someone I'd get laughed at!

Sigh, what's to become of me?

My obsession with the ladies toilet at work is growing into a phobia. TWICE I went in to discover a silent yet locked cubicle and a repulsive stench. I hate it, it's disgusting. Can't these women bloody control themselves and shit at home like normal people? I've just got home from a late shift and, well, I dunno if everyone does stuff like this, but practically everyone else's shifts had finished and I was part of the late night skeleton crew and I decided to head to the ladies as part of a pretty cruddy attempt for a skive. On the way down the corridor I thought 'I bet no one's ever lay down on the floor here' so I did. I pretended to have a fit too as an added touch. I will now remember that incident every time I walk down the corridor and will always smile. People might pass me and wonder why I'm smiling yet they will never know the truth. I intend to lie down and vibrate in a number of other places now and I will attempt to be a bit more daring. I might even just lie face down on the stairs or something.

I hope I'm not going mad.

Ah well, if I am it's still quite funny....

(hope there weren't any cctv cameras. I'll check tomorrow)

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