2005-05-20 - 3:19 p.m.

...and as if by magic

...I find a magazine in the staff room at work which contains an article highlighting a pair of 4'11" twins who've made it into 'The Intended Job' in Scotland and are doing really well! Wow, is my old adversary Fate telling me to lose my doubts about being a short arse (I'm not as short as those twins thank god) and that I am indeed heading in the right direction in life? Well, we all know that Fate likes to jerk with me and if it's being nice for a change it must have some really bad shit lined up for me once I'm in. Sigh, bring it on, I'm ready. I just hope it's funny shit rather than nightmare shit :(

Anyhoo, I've now completed my 7 day stint of nights at work and my new schedule has kicked in where I will be working 4 days on/4 days off. They've been pretty decent about allowing me to take reduced hours in order to get my health sorted out for my plans when this temp summer job is finished. I was going to apply to operate the 'floating bridge' but on reflection I don't think I will. It runs 24/7 and involves operating heavy machinery in all kinds of weather. I just know that Fate would not be able to resist making something catastrophic happen such as me inadvertently sinking the thing in some freaky Fortean type accident or by allowing some circumstance to occur where I go overboard and see my charge sailing away without me.

See, I have to take this strange relationship I have into consideration whenever I do anything. I mean, who'd have thought that when I took the totally innocent job as duty manager of a large indoor adventure play facility I would end up standing in a 6 foot pit of giant plastic balls looking for diarohea or that I would end up covered in Chicken Pox hiding (and rocking back and forth in a small ball) in a Wendy House 'cause there were diseased/injured/loud children EVERYWHERE and I was in charge!

...and the time when I worked in an office, fell backwards on a really big heavy duty chair and bought a computer and everything else on the desk down on top of me?

...or that I would be blamed when some old woman pebble-dashed the ladies toilets with shit in the police station I worked from one summer

...or that I would frighten the living shit out of all those people when I thought that a dead sailor had grabbed me whilst swimming in Greece

...and the time I fell in a muddy puddle on the way to an interview and still attended whilst dripping dirt water and blood onto their carpet

...and that I would move into a haunted house and get white noise death threats all over my digital answer machine

I could go on and on but to be honest I don't think I've got the strength :(

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