2005-04-06 - 9:48 p.m.

I dunno what's wrong with me. After an alrightish start to the day I kinda transmogrified into the grumpiest bastard who ever walked the face of the planet.

I even had a tantrum.

I feel so tired and I ache and I've got weird pains in my bladder/ovary (who knows which it is, they're all in the same sorta place aren't they?) area. I'm also bleeding and I shouldn't be (she overshared). I am hoping that these are all symptoms of a deep growing anxiety for this weekend/Tuesday combined with a reaction to all the extra training I have been doing. Perhaps I've strained myself a little bit or something.

Oh, the tantrum? You wanna know about that? Ok, I went to the gym and did a hard hour of work. When I went to Phoe's Dad's place to collect her (she'd been to see a chiropractor for her knackered back) I almost fell asleep. I came home and wanted to sleep but knew that Nigel was coming over. I called up to whine at him to say that I wanted to cancel due to extreme grumpiness and he refused saying that grumpy isn't a good enough reason for throwing away my future and would I regret my decision next Tuesday when I fail the fitness test?

Can't argue with that reasoning can you?

Bastard :(

I called him again half an hour before the run to show him that I am my own person and that if I don't wanna run then by God I won't run!

He told me that he'd be over in half an hour and to stop phoning him.

Then I had the tantrum. I even cried as I shouted that I will be glad when Tuesday is over 'cause then I'll be able to get my life back to myself and that no one could make me do ANYTHING that I don't wanna do!

In short, Nigel came and I ran like a wuss and only just scraped 3.2 before I gave up and stomped off. Nige made me go for a jog with him instead which was ok. We did some hill sprinting and stuff, that was ok too; it's just the bleep test that I can't get my head around. I HATE IT

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