2005-07-10 - 12:04 p.m.

Apparently I murdered Raymond Review last night. Everyone guessed so it wasn't as much fun as it could have been. My choice of murder weapon? I swapped his Viagra tablet with a cyanide pill from my brother's operations kit (he's in the SAS).

...bet you are all thinking 'what the hey?'

In short, I spent the evening in costume at one of those murder/mystery evenings and upon opening my envelope I discovered that I, Lady Goodie Twoshoes, was the murderer. The only problem was that my invitation had said that I was an aristocratic charity worker and that my outfit was from one of my charity shops. Now it DIDN'T say that my charity shops were full of designer gear and that I was young. I of course had decided to go as a mad, old aristo 'doing her bit for the starving black babies' and had, earlier in the day, put my humiliation aside and bought an horrific, frumpy dress from a charity shop together with some awful bright blue eye shadow (my thing said that I loved blue which turned out to be irrelevant).

The evening was ok but it was obvious from the beginning that I was the murderer and with a name like Goodie Twoshoes I had felt that I would be before we even got there. The host got pissed and kept announcing that they weren't the murderer and they didn't give a toss who was. Great. Still, it was a night out and we are hosting the next one which Phoe wants to make brilliant.

Oh, and the house was huge, very very old and in the process of being restored. It was also very very haunted. They did a seance in the cellar recently but we didn't get a chance to ask too much about it. The property had been, in it's time, everything from a rich persons home, a school, a women's refuge and a derelict hovel. These people are spending years and ����� trying to bring it back to it's former glory.

In other news: Went to see an old lady's 10 speed bike but I didn't like it and pissed off the old couple who thought they'd got a sale by walking away.

My weird mood doth continue. I am wondering if I have some sort of depression because everything I do tends to go wrong, no one loves me, I'm broke and my health isn't all it should be. I've also got another lump. I just feel so pissed off all the time. A couple of people from the forum-thing that I am part of have been asking if I'm ok as I haven't said anything for days and deleted all of my fotothing pictures. To be honest, I just don't know what to say. People will just think I'm some freakish attention seeker if I reply so I won't and will wait until everyone's forgotten. Maybe I'll just slip quietly away for good. I just don't know....

All I do know is that I've got to go to work tomorrow and I'm already winding myself up and getting anxious. I feel so stupid for getting emotional about a shitty job but I know that I'm better than this life and I simply don't understand why I'm being prevented from achieving all that I should be. Life is so bleak...

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