2005-01-21 - 8:51 p.m.

I'M BRITISH!!!!!

....well, a dual national

almost

I got the letter of acceptance from the Immigration department today and a letter from the local Council telling me when my citizenship ceremony will be (15 February). Apparently, the Chairman is going to preside and I'm gonna get a gift to go with my certificate. Already some of my mates have started taking bets as to what the gift will be ranging from a shitty lapel pin, a clock, picture frame, flag or some local touristy tat. A reduction on my council tax wouldn't go amiss....

I WILL have to pledge allegiance to the Queen which I object to (the sour-faced, over-paid old boot) and to her heirs (which I object to even more!) I am more than happy to pledge to the country but rich people? Pah......

I am considering, if anyone bets me enough money, to turn up wearing a Union Jack suit, Union Jack plastic bowler hat and to paint my face the same. How fucking funny would that be on my official photo! I would even wave like Forrest Gump and smile like moron if the price is right :).

I love serious occasions...

In other news, I started attending a free computer class in order to ensure that I am up to speed on Excel and Access in order that I don't make a complete arse out of myself during the assessment day for the Procurement job (that bicycle is within my grasp!) I finished the Excel course in superfast time (piece of piss) and will be starting Access on Monday. PLUS (what, there's MORE Sket?) Yes! I got a call from someone at the jobcentre asking me to call by. It would appear that THE AUTOMATON, obviously scared of me now (for some reason), has asked another to act as go between and tell me that she'd been speaking to someone in the Probation Service on my behalf and told him how wonderful I am

Hang on, let's just bask in that statement:

...how wonderful I am.......

..anyhoo, the guy asked her to pass on his number as he would love to speak to me. Sounds good dunnit? I do know that the National Probation Service recruits annually for people to train up into the job and that they usually start advertising in March so what this fella can do, I don't know. Still, I'm willing to call him on Monday and find out. It never hurts to have someone batting for you on the inside.

Oh yeah, this is funny, I went into the jobcentre to find out what they wanted and the woman who'd called me was on a break to begin with. Ever helpful (yet moronic) one serious looking woman tried to guess at what it was all about.

"It's probably about the fire fighters job. We're aware of the type of work you are looking for so it will probably be about that. Have you seen the advertisement looking for fire fighters?"

(with a look of amazement) "What, for me?!!?! Jeeeeezus, the fire service would be hard pressed if they wanted ME to rescue people! Bloody hell, if I turned up to a burning building the people inside'd all jump to their deaths! Could you honestly see a squatty 5'2" Hobbit-alike trying to throw someone over their shoulder? Their bleedin' feet'd be dragging on the floor for a start!"

(not cracking her face) "I don't think they have height restrictions do they?"

"Erm, YES!" Fortunately a girl I used to work with at BT was working there too and she took me aside and pretended to ask me sensible questions whilst we pissed ourselves laughing!

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