2006-09-02 - 1:48 p.m.

Well, I'm sitting here wearing the best shoes in the whole world

whilst waiting for Dynorod to show up.

Feckin' old plumbing always breaking down on a weekend. Can't flush the toilet unless you want the water to come right up to the top of the bowl, can't use the sinks unless you want to flood the driveway. That's gonna be another �95 that came out of nowhere. Now the Beetle has stopped finding things on itself to break unexpectedly the feckin' HOUSE has taken over.

Calm Sket, breathe deeply and calmly

Piss off subconscious

Anyhoo, to take my mind of the sheer pissed-offedness I am feeling I will now divulge the clown story in full.

As you are aware, I am currently working for a H0using Ass0ciation dealing with anti social behaviour. It's all about building communities and promoting respect. As part of our strategy we have been organising neighb0urhood days where we try to get everyone together to find out exactly what they like/dislike about their neighbourhood and show 'em that we're not horrible people. Last week (the day I broke the news I was leaving, in fact) was the day we held the event in the most notorious of our rough estates. We had a marquee full of other helpful organisations, competitions and idiots like me completing questionaires with questions such as "What do you like about your neighb0urhood?" "nothing"

oh, ok then

We organised a samba band to kick the thing off (and discovered back at the office, people had been phoning up complaining about the noise!), a magician/children's entertainer type person who was ok and was able to keep the kids at bay, some circus performers (who didn't show) and finally a clown....

Back in the marquee, Dave my boss was met by a small gang of kids aged between 6 and 12ish.

"We fucking hate clowns man! We're gonna get the fucker"

"Leave the clown alone guys, just try to have a good time, the little one's are enjoying themselves so don't spoil the day"

"Nah, that fucking clown is marked! We're gonna get it and kick it's head in. We HATE clowns, they're wrong!"

"Sket, can you guard the clown please?

"shit....!"

...serves me right for telling 'em I was leaving I guess. I watched in horror as the gang left on their bikes only to return with a giant carrier bag full of waterbombs. I spent the next hour or so being bodyguard to freakin 'Krakers'. There were waterbombs going off, spitballs, clods of dirt, small stones, you name it. I had already decided that if any dogshit came sailing by Krakers was on his own. It was like fucking Fort Apache!

Then the chairman of the local Council showed up in his chains of office to do his bit for public relations.

Yup, you guessed it - he got waterbombed. I gotta hand it to the ol fella tho, his PR smile never dropped an inch!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, I'm gonna miss this place

(like a hole in the head)

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