2005-08-27 - 7:16 p.m.

Perhaps I'm having a breakdown? Perhaps I've just lost it completely or I've got some kind of death wish that will prevent me from getting into THE INTENDED JOB by default and not health issues....

I had a road rage and narrowly missed a major car crash all in one day.

I know that I'm not myself. I don't feel like me, I don't act like me and I know that I don't lift my head from my chest or even bother to look anyone in the eye any more. I KNOW these things but I can't stop it. I can't shake off these feelings of despair or the loathing I feel for everyone I meet or have fleeting passing moments with. I guess I should start with the road rage....

The roads around my town are absolutely packed with scooters and fat grown men who think they are Mods. Yup, it is the scooter rally and there are 10,000 scooters on the Island. Unfortunately my place is on the main run from the official campsite to the beach and it is constant noise from the crack of dawn til the wee hours.

....but I can handle that. Despite one year there being a huge accident when one of them ran over my cat (she survived). What wound me up was being stuck in traffic behind hundreds of 4x4 off road vehicles driven by stupid, dippy bleach blonde women who have never taken the vehicle off road and have one very small child strapped into the back. I crawled up the road to Tesco as I was in desperate need of petrol for my old VW Beetle. I pulled up to the pump (the 2nd one in the row) and filled up. I always pay at the pump for speed and I had finished everything, was sitting in back in my car pulling the seatbelt around me when the 4x4 behind decided that she couldn't wait another nanosecond and pulled around me and into pump number 1 which had recently been vacated. Immediately 2 more 4x4's pulled into the pumps next to me and I was now trapped.

Now, I know that I should have been tolerant, I know that I shouldn't sweat the small stuff but the stuck-up rich snooty bitch that looked like she'd never had a bad day in her life or ever wanted for ANYTHING had made me snap like a dry twig. I should say that I'm not proud of how I behaved but I have to say, the mood I am in, I really don't care. I opened my car door and shouted (raged)

"You've fucking blocked me in now you fucking bitch, haven't you got a fucking minute to fucking well live you selfish fucking bitch! For fuck sake!"

"Ooh, I've been waiting." she said in a small posh voice as she looked around and suddenly realised the situation she'd created thru her impatience and selfishness.

"You could fucking well see that I was leaving you stupid impatient bitch, now I've got to sit here while you fuck around" Shouted the Brummie on the edge. You could tell that she'd never had anyone kick off at her in her overly priviledged life and as she fumbled around forgetting how to work the pump I shouted that she should get her fucking husband to put petrol into her status symbol next time. I even revved up the engine whilst Phoe sat with her head in her hands asking me to calm down. The woman was as quick as she could be (I guess she only put about �2 worth in, she was so fast) and as she hurried into the shop I drove up to her bumper and revved and revved (I've got a loud stinger exhaust and an evil face so I guess she was well intimidated). She bunny hopped out of the petrol station and I drove in a rage as close to her bumper as I dared, eyes bulging, teeth bared whilst Phoe spoke to me in calming tones trying to reason with the unreasonable and tell me that if she braked suddenly I would be to blame.

Sigh, I knew all this but I was evil and raging. My life is shit and I lost it. At some lights she suddenly changed into a filter lane and drove off down an obscure road to lose me. Funny thing is, the second she had gone I was calm again. Like I say, perhaps I'm having a breakdown....

The day improved and we had a lovely day out in the Beetle. We went for a lovely drive out into the country and a meal at our favourite pub. We sat out in the sun and it was glorious apart from all the screaming, whinging kids 'enjoying' the last few days of their summer break. I guess not having had kids I am intolerant of their shrill voices screaming as they play going straight thru me and their sudden change to being overly tired and crying for no reason. Phoe and I both agree that we'd be terrible mothers.

On the way home I almost had a massive smash and I thank the spirits who watch over me for protecting us both 'cause it could have been really bad......

Now for this one I take full responsibility, I should have had my eyes on the road ahead but my gaze had been momentarily taken by a girl who looked as cool as fuck in her smart white leather Mod outfit on a matching scooter going the other way. I will say tho that I doubt I'd even looked away for half a second yet when I looked back the car in front had stopped for no good reason other than to turn left. Why some women (or elderly drivers) can't just proceed around a corner without practically stopping first is beyond me but this was one of those young girls who did just that and for her hesitancy she nearly got arse-ended by a Brummie in a bright orange Beetle.

THANK GOD I am an experienced driver who knows how to handle a car when the wheels have locked.

THANK GOD we had recently gone thru a speed camera and were going around 30mph

THANK GOD there were no pedestrians or parked cars on my side of the road.

and finally

THANK GOD I've got all kinds of hippy protection symbols in the car and that my father (God rest his soul) watches over me (I believe he does - I've had so many near misses I have to admit that there is someone out there doing their best for me.

I will never forget the bulging eyed fear on the faces of the 2 young girls in the car ahead of me as I skidded, screeching down the road towards the back of their car. I was able to regain control of the car and steered it heavily towards the pavement. I seemed to travel so far and so noisily it's a wonder I've got any rubber left on my tyres.

...I guess it'll teach her to indicate in good time and to actually turn into the road she wants without hesitating in future.

Sigh, I never told you about the recent cooking incident. I don't think I will. I'm just an accident waiting to happen, a timebomb ready to explode. I pray that something good happens to me soon so that I can start being me again. I'm really not like this, I'm a lovely peaceful hippy type who likes to laugh at the ridiculousness of this world and the people on it. I am not a bitter, angry thug raging at people who wrong me or blaming innocent girl drivers ahead of me for my inability to pay attention when driving.

Oh well, I'm home now. All I have to do is walk the dogs and then enjoy the company of my friend Lynne who is coming over for the night

�

previous - next