2005-08-17 - 11:29 a.m.

Well colour me horrified!

I almost wish I could have seen my face yesterday when The Incident occurred.

It's been a while since I last made a diary entry mostly because I have been really ill and off work. I dunno, this health kick I'm on has left me a shadow of my former self! What should have been a simple cold had become a sweat inducing, plague like living hell of aching joints and lack of brain function. Where the feck is all my immunity? Jeez, so much for being a vegetabist vegetarian health freak. I tried to go into work on 3 occasions and ended up coming home soaking wet and grey. Still, I managed to stay all day yesterday, despite coughing my innards up down the phone to people on several occasions. I was even on a 12-9pm shift so I was getting pretty tired as the evening drew on.

You don't want to hear all this crap do you? You just want to know about The Incident!

Heh heh....

If you regularly read my diary you will know that I have an obsession with the ladies toilets at work. When I say obsession, I think that it is more of a growing phobia actually; I have discovered that I can't piss if someone else is in there. My muscles seem to contract and won't allow my bladder to release. I sit there urging ' c'mon, piss Sket, PISS!' lest the other person thinks I'm in there for a crafty shit.

...so anyhoo, yesterday.....

I went into work and was struggling. On Saturday I'd had a coughing fit that racked thru my whole body and had deafened some bloke on the phone. The girl who had been sitting next to me had kept looking across in a worried way, wondering why she had sat next to this diseased person. Well, yesterday I bumped into her in a corridor and we exchanged pleasantries about how shit I looked (?) and how she had a cold too etc etc. We both entered the ladies toilets where we continued with our chat in adjoining cubicles. My phobia kicked in at this point and I fought a silent battle with my vag-muscles to relax lest the girl thought I was sitting in silence waiting for her to leave so that I could shit.

It was then I heard the first 'plop'.

I felt myself sit up straight, my ears pricking up and suddenly becoming very attuned to every sound. no, she didn't just have a shit, you must be mistaken Sket

plop, plop

I was so shocked that I forgot myself and had a piss. The girl was even trying to continue with a conversation! I kinda fell silent, finished up and wiped my watering eyes as the stench hit me before heading towards the rest room. She came in seconds later and carried on talking to me as if she hadn't just taken a big stinking dump in front of me.

Fer chrissake, am I repressed or is it disgusting to continue a conversation with a stranger whilst sharing your bodily functions and stench? I can't piss let alone shit in public but if it was an emergency I'd have waited until my work colleague had gone! Wouldn't you?

I guess it's different for blokes but well, a girls wash room is supposed to smell pleasant and be a place where you can brush your hair and reapply make up - NOT feel the skin melting from your face as they shit and chat to you!

I gotta calm down and not sweat this small stuff all the time, it's gonna give me a heart attack.

..and in other news: I became paranoid that my contract wasn't going to be renewed and hit Pertemps a couple of days ago begging that they find me more work. They've taken all my junk and are currently working on getting me clearance to work inside one of the prisons (in an admin capacity) until my real life kicks in.

That's good I guess.....

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