2006-11-24 - 8:22 p.m.

Ok, there is some kinda low level weirdness being detected by the Sket radar and to be honest, I don't know how to deal with it. Well I do, but can I truly be arsed?

Ok, here goes. Work: For the past 2 days the whole lot of us 16 recruits have been together in order to learn (yawnsomely) about pro-social modelling. I can't even be bothered to tell you what it is, it's so obvious and dull - role playing and 'thinking deeply about how you behave' kinda shit. Monday and Tuesday we were pretty much all together for some IT training too.

We've all sort of had a laugh at my expense (due to my extreme grumpiness) which has turned into some low level ribbing and one of the blokes telling me that he's worked out a rota of trainees to go on a daily suicide watch to ensure I make it through the day, and if necessary, he was prepared to stage an intervention to ensure I survived the next week without them.

Funny. It's good that we can all laugh at my misery. As I've said before, I'm the comedy miserable bastard of the group.

...but that's not the thing. One of the girls has decided to make it clear that she wants to sit by me all the time and whilst she's very nice, I find her quite juvenile and she just does not read 'fuck off' vibes. She genuinely knocked people over just so she could get into the room before them and sit by me TWICE today. I mean, yeah, it's reasonably amusing but I'm not some performing fucking monkey. I don't know what she expects me to do on an hourly basis but I guess these youngsters (hark at me, old mother time) haven't had time to meet people as downright cynical as me (and who can laugh about it).

Like I say, she's a nice girl but she does seem to be starting to display bizarre tendencies. She aggrivated me on Monday and Tuesday by hitting the knob on my chair and making it lower while I was sitting on it. She tried to steal my shoe, she wrote on my arm, she tried to read my text messages, she hid my file, she pulled faces at me and she wrote unamusing ditties on stuff to make me laugh. Despite being the grumpiest fucker on the planet I laughed politely and was perhaps a tad complicit at times (heck, the day was boring and my attention span didn't need too much distraction to leave the shit behind). Of course, when things got a bit TOO juvenile for me I tried to pull back, but like an excitable puppy she expected me to play while she wee'd excitedly up my leg (she exagerated).

Seems it's her birthday on Tuesday and she begged me to go for a drink with everyone after work next time we are all together, which is Friday. Grudgingly I eventually agreed (why anyone would want to go out for a drink with another person who obviously doesn't appreciate their company is beyond me, but the gang all seem to really care that I go with them). Problem is, she then decided to ask me to go out with JUST HER next Saturday.

Nothing particularly wrong with that I guess. I made jokes to get myself out of it - heck, anyone would have thought I was going to my death just agreeing to go for a drink with everyone straight from work next friday so I don't know why she thought I'd want to give up my Saturday evening to travel across the water to Portsmouth for an evening with someone I barely know or particularly care about.

Then came the thing which disturbed me. I'd just told her I was far too old and crypto-fascist to go out on the town with her (which is mostly a line from some comedy show from the 80's I think)

"Don't you like me?" she asked with giant water-filled eyes and a face about to break into a thousand pieces of disappointment and hurt.

WHAT? Are you REALLY trying to use emotional blackmail to manipulate me into coming out with you next fucking Saturday? What is the matter with you woman? Holy cow!

"Awww, of course I like you mate" I said with a reassuring tap on her shoulder. She sat there looking gutted and informed me in a voice barely above a whisper that she was only asking a couple of people to go out for her birthday. I suspected there was no one else. No one else has mentioned it, she couldn't say who else was going and I hadn't seen her speaking to anyone other than me.

WHOOOP WHOOOOP WHOOOOOP

Play Misty for me!

Stalker alert

Stalker alert!

I basically used inappropriate and frankly, surreal humour to get away which didn't actually give her an answer. I suspect that next friday I'm going to have a problem.

Damn!

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